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Can a man unconsciously search for a father figure if his father was not emotionally available?

When you reach the stage in your life where you are now a man, it could be said that you will not need all the same things that you needed as a child. To put it another way, you will have grown out of certain needs that you had.

To focus solely on the needs that you would have had primarily in relation to your father, you will no longer need him to assert your worth, support or protect him. This is not to say that you will no longer need to be affirmed or supported, or even protected at times, but that it will be different now that you are an adult.

Internalization

Thanks to what happened throughout his early years, he will have the ability to assert and support himself. You will also feel safe and secure, and could be trained in certain types of martial arts, allowing you to express yourself freely on this planet.

Then you will feel strong inside and will not depend on other men for your affirmation, support or protection. Thus, he will look like a man and, to accompany him, he will feel strong and capable.

The ideal

However, while this will be an experience that this man can relate to, there will be many men who will not be able to. When a man is in this position, he will look like a man, but rarely, if ever, will he have the inner experience to accompany him.

It has been many years since he was a child, but he will not have moved beyond this stage of his development. The reason for this is that you will not have received the kind of care you needed during this stage of your life.

Two reasons

At this stage in his life, his father would have been physically absent or physically present but emotionally absent. Either way, it would not have been possible for him to receive what he needed to receive in order to grow and develop.

This would have been painful and he probably would have felt something was not right, but there would have been nothing he could have done. He just would have had to put up with what was happening.

An analogy

One way of looking at this would be to imagine that, as a child, he was like a small tree that had been planted without a cane. Without this staff, it would still have grown, but it would have grown sideways and not directly into the sky.

For this tree to have grown properly, it would have needed two things: it would have needed water to grow (the feminine) and a cane to keep it upright (the masculine). This cane would have given him the support and guidance he needed to grow properly.

Similarity

By not having the support of his parents from the beginning, his physical body will have changed, but he will not have been able to really come into their power. Instead, it may appear passive and aimless, more like a small bush than a large oak, or it may appear aggressive and obsessive, more like a tree that has been able to grow but has not been able to. grow in the right way.

Then they can be consumed by what happened so many years ago or they can resist what happened, developing a false self that allows them to function as adults. Beyond the mask he has developed, there will be a deeply wounded boy, regardless of how manly he may appear.

In deep longing

Now if a man has not created an inflated false self and is in a position where he is generally passive and lacking in direction, and therefore has a deflated false self, he might have a great need to find the father who never does. have done. If your father is alive, you could still try to receive what you could not receive from him as a child.

Along with this, you might be attracted to men who appear strong, capable, and supportive. Another part of this is that he will project the parts of himself that he has not developed into these men.

Hidden

What this means is that he will see things in other men that they do not actually possess, or at least not to the extent that he believes. The hurts he has in relation to his father can also be played on these men, which can cause him to put some men on a pedestal and see others as totally useless, and there is conflict.

Still, although he, or to be more precise, his son self, will have a great need to find the father he did not have, it does not mean that he is aware of what is happening. This can occur outside of your consciousness.

For example

You may prefer to spend time with older men, this being a time when you act more like your son. If you were to go into self-development, you might end up being attracted to a “guru” or a teacher and elevating them to a very high position.

Deep down, the childish part of him will believe that he has finally found the father he wanted for so long thanks to the defense mechanism known as transference. This will then be a time when you feel affirmed, supported and protected, and if this relates to a “guru” or a teacher, there will be an infinite amount of guidance.

Conscience

Ultimately, at the end of their early years, it means that these unmet childhood needs cannot be met and must be addressed. This is not to say that being surrounded by well-developed men will not play a role in your personal evolution, but if you do not realize what is happening and understand that no one can give you what your father could not give you. , and he will begin to heal his internal wounds, he will continue to depend on men like this and this will prevent him from entering their power.

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If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to seek outside support. This can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.

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