Can a marriage be saved after the husband moves out?

Due to my own experience and the fact that I write a lot about saving marriages, I actually get asked this question quite often. Wives seem to think that the moment the husband walks out the door, all is lost and the marriage is officially over. The truth is, a husband leaving or moving doesn’t have to be the end game. Even the finalization of a divorce is not necessarily the end of the marriage. We all know couples who get divorced and end up marrying again in the future. The truth is, as long as there is a party that is willing to work to rescue the marriage and the relationship, there is certainly a chance. The fact that you are researching this topic shows that you are that person, so let’s get started. To save a marriage, you really need to convincingly do a few things, which I’ll explain in this article.

The first thing you will need to do to guide your husband back home is to control your own negative feelings. If you are hostile, belittling, and argumentative, or if you repeatedly want to question, debate, or ask for reassurance, you will only promote more negative feelings, and your husband will only want to get away from you.

Yes, you absolutely have a right to your feelings and to have your questions answered. I know this is a difficult time, but there is a right time and place for everything and if your marriage is in trouble, it’s usually not a good idea to continually argue or call attention to what’s wrong. Always remember that if you want your husband back, you absolutely need him to feel positive feelings when he thinks about you or interacts with you. He cannot do this if there is a lot of tension or anger that is always present when they are together.

Next, I want you to remember the first time you dated. Then I want you to point out the qualities within yourself that her husband first fell in love with. Many people will make the mistake of saying looks or chemistry here. While physical attraction is often an element of “falling in love,” it is often not the only or the most important. In reality, it is a symptom or by-product of the feelings that you are causing in your partner.

Most people “fall in love” because of the feelings that the other person is able to get out of them. In other words, a man will deeply love a woman who can make him feel alive, intelligent, capable, and attractive. This is what leads to “sparks” and “chemistry.” This often has less to do with physical appearance and more to do with your open heart, attentiveness, sense of humor, and deep concern for your partner’s happiness.

Whatever qualities you’ve identified as most important to your husband, ask yourself how often he’s shown them to you lately. The answer is probably not enough. In any case, today and in the future, you must display those positive qualities to her husband whenever he has the opportunity to maintain his dignity and self-respect.

I know what you are probably thinking: that your husband has moved away, so how are you going to view these qualities now? Well, first, if you’ve put aside your negative feelings and committed to showing only the best version of yourself, this should help your cause a lot. If your husband knows that he does not have to be afraid of a confrontation or a negative experience, he is likely to be much more receptive to you.

Then, if your husband is absolutely not receptive to communication, then I want you to agree with him. Yeah, look him straight in the eye and say “you’re right.” I know this sounds risky, but it really isn’t for a number of reasons. First of all, it will greatly reduce tension. If you indicate that you love and will miss him dearly, but agree that the two of you could use a break to work on yourselves, you are no longer a threat to him and there is not much reason to avoid you. And you don’t seem needy, desperate, or unattractive.

So the next step is to really, legitimately go out and do those things that make you happy. Visit friends. Watch movies. Go to concerts. Do whatever puts a genuine smile on your face. Not only will it make you feel better, but it will probably pique your husband’s interest. He’s probably wondering what’s up with you. And your happiness will contribute to the positive feelings that you can show him.

If you’ve done all of the above and he’s still not communicating or playing along, understand that you’ll have to take baby steps here. You may need to “run into him unexpectedly,” remember that he “forgot” something that he might want back, or you need to “discuss” a legitimate issue with him.

However, you need to be very careful here and make sure enough time has passed that you’re not obvious about it, that you’re really okay emotionally, and that you won’t seem desperate or needy. If your husband suspects that your actions are not genuine or that you are playing games, he is likely to be more resistant to you.

The bottom line is that your departure can actually be a positive thing. This gives him time to miss you and want to get back to what you shared. And, when he thinks of you, you want him to do it with a smile. That’s why it’s so important that you make restoring positive feelings and experiences your top priority, without being too obvious about it and without giving away your power. Resist any behavior that provokes negative behaviors or portrays you in a negative light.