For better, richer and in health, I DO IT! But the Other?
IN THE BEGINNING, marriage was God’s idea! He had a very specific plan and design to fuse and mold two distinct and unique personalities until they merged so perfectly that the two would become one flesh. By design, you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. He did it for a purpose. How and why he designed the marriage this way is a mystery. But the Word clearly reflects that marriage is a prototype; it is an image of Christ and the Church. In fact, he said it in Ephesians 5:25: “The husband loves his wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her.”
As the beginning has faded into the distant past, we have shifted our thinking to “ONCE UPON A TIME …”, be it a fairy tale or the big screen, beginning with Cinderella when we were barely old enough to discern the story of Actually, an image of marriage has been programmed into our minds. The boy stays with the girl and they live happily ever after. As we got older, expert novelists and screenwriters took the ball and intensified that image on the big screen. Many of us believed in that image when we were younger because we really didn’t want to believe that marriage for us was going to unfold the way it did in the paternal relationship that we saw develop throughout our young lives. At some point along the way, we had the idea that the image on the big screen was waiting for us and that we too would live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, we don’t live our lives in a story or on the big screen. We live them in the reality of the moment. If a person grows up in a dysfunctional home, without intervention, a lot of prayer, and some education, the dysfunction is what he brings into the marriage. The situation is complicated by the fact that people tend to marry when they are very young; the norm is between 18 and 21 years of age. Many have just passed through the turbulent years of adolescence, where rebellion rages and where family and parental relationships are cut off or stunted in their growth due to irreconcilable differences. From there they enter into an alliance commitment for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. If they last that long and the heart of the marriage is not molded by Christ, the dysfunction intensifies and perpetuates, resulting in generations of countless casualties.
It is evident that the sanctity of the holy matrimony is diminishing. Beyond the courtship relationship and the fairytale wedding, the road ahead is treacherous. When a couple begins in life, money is often tight and it is difficult to cover all expenses with a shoelace. When they start adding children to the mix and financial and emotional weaknesses, stress at home skyrockets. When that kind of stress overwhelms a man and a wife, aspects of their personality emerge that even they themselves did not know existed. At some point they look at each other and wonder: “Who is this person and where is the person I married?”
When that question comes to mind, what are the options available not only to survive the situation, but also to overcome and overcome life’s pitfalls and obstacles? Of course, there is always the option to end the marriage and get divorced. When these decisions are made hastily in the midst of a personal or marital crisis, the effects are always devastating. Love is lost and, at a relatively young age, the couple has learned to escape a bad situation rather than negotiate it towards a stronger place of maturity and strength in life.
A more appropriate option would be to follow a two-pronged approach. One or both partners must find the strength to exercise their faith and seek direction in life rather than prayer. The second step involves seeking the wisdom, advice, and advice of a trained counselor or minister. This is necessary because in the midst of marital turmoil, partners lose perspective and often cannot tell the truth from the lies. The intervention of a neutral, trained and experienced third party can often get right to the heart of the matter. When the heart is revealed and both parties are willing, the healing can begin.
If something or part of this scenario sounds familiar to you, let me encourage you with some ideas. You can be sure that stress and trouble will come. Don’t forget that you love your spouse and the value of the relationship is greater than the intensity of the problems you are currently facing. The problems in question can be a testing ground, a place to learn, and increase maturity. On the other hand, they could be your downfall. You can control the result. You can take the first step and move towards a better life. The choice is yours!