Gaming

In the end we pray

Mom was afraid of physical pain. I was worried about other realms. His faith tended to isolate thoughts. He rarely spoke of things of a religious nature. In the end, that changed. He came to understand that there was another side and he was about to go there. Her favorite uncle Gary would take her home and she was no longer afraid.

Before I could bring a chaplain to our secluded place in the Piney Woods in deep east Texas, she began to confess. “Let me get some things off my chest,” he begged. “I can not wait until tomorrow”. Then he advised me: “Don’t leave the house.” Within 24 hours, he said, “Don’t leave my room.”

For almost two hours, he unburdened himself. Later, I took a long prayer walk through the woods to release all that energy. I was literally overwhelmed with so much information captured so quickly. It spanned its 78 years.

He carried the weight of these digressions with him everywhere. It kept him from getting attached to people. He knew they would eventually leave if they saw all his ‘sins’. So, he hid them. But, regrets have a way of festering and growing if not dealt with early on. Slow. Do the right thing. Leave the other person mended rather than injured or broken. There are ways to correct the damage.

She asked me to do some things in the future, like pass messages of love over and over to some people that she didn’t find time to count in this life. Expressing love was not a risk she was willing to take. The rejection was too sharp and damaging.

Two children who died were his focus. He couldn’t wait to see his oldest son, Jay, who died at the age of 3. He has never been talked about and has been forgotten by everyone over the years, but he still lived fully in their heart.

The second loss was my little sister, whose death really left us both in a stubborn depression. He died unexpectedly at age 44. It took the wind out of our sails and it took years to rescue abused animals to allow the pain to dissipate. It was suffocating.

In its final moments, there was great peace. At the point of passage, there was an aura similar to what I had felt earlier, when my nephew Kayle was born. There is a feeling that engulfs everyone in the room as soon as the baby is born. Once the new soul is fully here and the umbilical and etheric cords are severed, a lasting peace remains.

Magnify that feeling for infinity plus one and that is what went through me as my mother passed from this earth in my arms. It was magnificent, it changed my life and gave me power: it changed me forever. I’m awake. And I am cured.

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