Long Distance Relationship = Long Distance Booty Call

He says he’s looking for a relationship. She wants to meet someone to settle down with and share her life with.

So why the hell is he dating women who don’t even live in the same state? Have you already dated every available woman in your state? Or even your country?

Now that Internet dating is a more socially accepted norm, long-distance relationships are on the rise. It’s hard enough for an established couple to go from a relationship where they can see each other often and easily to a long-distance relationship and survive. When you are starting a relationship from afar it is even more difficult. So why do it in the first place? Hasn’t this notion of difficulty and additional problems occurred to men seeking this type of relationship? Has it occurred to you? It’s one thing if you plan to move to that area in the near future, but if not, why even start something that has added risks and less of a safety net?

For hustlers, hookers, gamblers, and commitment phobes, long distance relationship is a godsend. You can be whoever you want on the Internet and you can hide almost every detail of your life. A man may tell you that he lives in a 4-bedroom house in a quiet town, works as an architect, and goes to church every Sunday. How do you know any of that is true? Even if he sent you pictures of the house, he could have taken pictures of a friend’s house, or that house could have been his before the foreclosure and now he lives back with his mom and dad.

Do you work as an architect? How do you know it even WORKS? He can tell you yes, but how does he KNOW? You have to take him at his word and cross your fingers and hope he hasn’t lied to you. Someone in your family has lied to you at some point in your life, right? Someone you were close friends with has lied to you at some point in your life, right? Didn’t any man in your life lie to you at least once in your life? But do you expect this person to be 100% truthful when the situation itself makes lying or withholding information so easy?

The consequences for HIM if he’s lying is basically never to be heard from again. what a thing No offense, but big deal. She knew that at some point you would find out anyway, so she remained emotionally distant to a degree. What are the consequences for you? Feel betrayed? Foolish? You may even run out of money to buy plane tickets or gasoline to visit this person. Shouldn’t you take everything they say with a grain of salt? A pillar of salt?

When signing up for a long distance relationship, shouldn’t you be wondering what will happen as this “relationship” progresses? Who of you is going to be the one who has to MOVE?? You? Are you going to uproot your whole life for one relationship? What about your home, friends, family, children, work, etc.?

If you’re going to uproot all of that and risk all of that, you should run such a background check and ask for a copy of your credit report. Don’t feel bad or smart about doing it, either. This is your life we’re talking about and you have a lot to lose. You have to visit him at his place of residence (not a hotel) and see how he lives. You should ask him to show you where he works and meet some of his co-workers to make sure he gets the job he says he does. You need to meet with their friends and family so you know that THEY KNOW you exist. When you talk to his friends and family, you should not talk about yourself, but about HIM. Let them know what you like about him, based on the things he told you, and see his reactions. If you tell them that you find it so exciting that he lived abroad and they look at you curiously like you’re from Mars, you know he lied.

Protect yourself in advance, because once you have put everything important to you at risk for this man, it is too late and the consequences can be disastrous.

One player has it made with a long distance relationship. He may be writing the same nonsense to you and 10 other women. He may tell her that he is traveling out of state for work when he is actually spending time with another woman. He may be living with another woman for all you know! He could be married to another woman for all you know! Did you do a background check? Why not? Has he given you his address? If he has, have you sent things to his house? You should, and be sure to attach a cutsey-wootsey card so if a woman lives there with him, he’ll rip her face off FOR you.

Does he talk to you often at night? If he only contacts you during the day, that leaves his evenings free to be with another woman, right? Men cheat on women they live with, are married/engaged to, how hard do you think it is for them to cheat on a woman from out of state? You can’t drive to his house, you’re not spending time IN his house, you have no way of really knowing WHAT he’s doing. You have to be more careful, more cynical and less trusting in situations like this.

And don’t give me that bullshit about being too negative and missing out on something great. The chances of it being anything great are slim, the chances of you actually being cheated on are astronomical. So if you’re going to take that risk, why can’t you do a little detective work to protect yourself?

A background check is to make sure you are not married, live where you say you live, have a criminal record, etc. That is information that should be private. You’re not reading his diary. This is public information that if you LIVED in your town you could find out at the county clerk’s office. So get over your guilt for not trusting him enough to run a background check on him. Trust is earned, and it can be earned with a background check that verifies that everything he says is true. Trust should NOT be earned because he writes you deep and meaningful EMAILS or has long phone calls with you.

Now, what if this person wants to move to where you are? Let me guess, he won’t get his OWN place and then start the NORMAL process of dating you and then seeing where he goes. No, most of the time he is going to move into YOUR house. With YOUR stuff. Perhaps with HIS children of him. And you still don’t think you should run a background check on him? WHY???

I’m sure you know his sweet side, and I’m sure he’s been very kind to you, but how are you going to live with him? You don’t know until he lives with you, do you? What is he like when he is angry with someone or during a fight? You don’t know until it happens, do you? Don’t you think you should find out if he’s been arrested for domestic violence or God forbid he’s a pedophile that you’re inviting over to YOUR house to meet your kids?

Pedophiles, rapists, and men who commit domestic violence don’t have a scarlet letter on their chest. They don’t look like coconut. They look like everyone else, come from different economic backgrounds, and have different intellectual levels. Don’t think you know what one looks, acts or sounds like. You do not. And let’s say it works out, have you thought about what will happen if it doesn’t? Will you be ready to dump his ass immediately or will you let him stay because you feel guilty or sorry for him? After all, he did all of this for YOU, so how can you just kick him out?

You can, and you should, if things get bad enough. You didn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to, and you both should have known (if you’re over 12) that there was a chance (a bigger chance than you wanted to believe at the time) that this would happen. it doesn’t work. So if it doesn’t work, end it ASAP and get this person out of their home.

A commitment phobia has him made in a long distance relationship. There are men who really don’t want what a traditional relationship entails. They don’t want to have to see the person every week, they don’t want to have to spend every vacation with them, they don’t want to have to answer to someone, they don’t want to have to say no to their friends or give up some of their freedom. These guys purposefully get involved in long-distance relationships, because they can still come and go as they please, they don’t have to account to anyone for their comings and goings. They can date other women if they want because their “girlfriend” won’t find out and the woman they date can’t get them because they say “sorry, I already have a girlfriend”. They can make plans with their friends because they can’t make plans with YOU. They have almost total freedom.

Does he want to watch the game with his friends instead of spending Sunday with you? Oh, that’s right, he can’t spend Sunday with you ANYWAY so you don’t get mad at him. Very good for him, huh? Long distance relationships should, in some cases, be called long distance booty calls. I know what you are going to say, that he writes you wonderful emails, he talks to you on the phone all the time, blah blah blah. He is making plans for your future, blah blah blah. Well, let me let you in on a little secret: he has no intention of having a future with you. Guys who play this game come up with excuse after excuse not to marry you and for neither of you to move in right now. When you finally tire of it and throw him a fit, the relationship will end and he can go find another victim.