Mediation and Harry Potter: mediators are like magic wands
As fans of the Harry Potter series, my wife and I were excited for the release of the final film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2. We made an appointment, bought our tickets, and were magically transported into the fantastical world of wizards, witches and muggles for about 2 hours. It felt great! We liked her so much that the next day we saw her again with my mother-in-law.
For me, there’s nothing like a well-made fantasy/adventure movie that pulls me away from reality for a much-needed respite from the demands of the day. For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, I won’t spoil it for you. Please keep reading.
Of course, whenever there is a history of magic, there is a good chance that wands are involved. During this movie, the audience gets a more detailed look at wands, which I thought would serve as a perfect comparison to mediators. So without further ado…
Magic wands are described as unique. Each one is made from different ingredients. Some are more flexible than others. Some have characteristics like “inflexible”. In fact, it is implied that the wands are sentient. In other words, magic wands have the ability to know and perceive; they have a conscience.
For example, one of the characters, Draco Malfoy, while pointing his wand directly at Harry Potter, explains to Harry that he has borrowed his mother’s wand. Later, Draco expresses that his mother’s wand is powerful, but she doesn’t really understand it.
So how does all this relate to mediators?
Like magic wands, spikes are unique. Each mediator brings a different life experience to the mediation table and perceives the world through their unique life filters.
For example, a mediator who had a chaotic or out-of-control childhood due to family dysfunction may feel a strong need to exercise tight control over the mediation process. She may not be flexible enough to consider a creative alternative to the mediation process she has implemented. If her mediation would benefit from a different mediation process than the one the mediator chooses, he is likely to be out of luck with this mediator.
NOTE: During my Master of Laws program at The Straus Institute, I had a fantastic course with Bill Eddy called “Conflict Psychology.” Bill Eddy is an attorney and licensed clinical social worker who directs the High Conflict Institute. We study clusters of high-conflict personality types and the associated behavioral traits related to conflict. Naturally, some mediators exhibit high-conflict behaviors, as in the example above.
Like magic wands, some mediators are more flexible than others. For example, in cases where there is a history of domestic violence, a prudent mediator will seriously consider keeping the parties apart throughout the mediation process to eliminate the possibility of intimidation and provide the victim with a safe environment, where he/she is comfortable opening up, being vulnerable and communicating effectively.
I have personally been involved in mediations where the parties had a history of domestic violence and the mediator did not separate the parties or encourage them to meet in the same room. This approach is neither right nor wrong and will depend on the circumstances of a case, and demonstrates that mediators simply have different perspectives and approaches to mediation and domestic violence.
Like magic wands, mediators have characteristics that can affect the success of your mediation. For example, some mediators are domineering or authoritarian, while others may be more relaxed and patient. Some mediators are very extroverted and may talk more than they listen, while others are more introverted and may listen more than they talk.
Like Draco’s mother’s wand, your mediator may not understand you. Do you have knowledge or understanding of personality type theory? Can you use that knowledge to facilitate communication between the parties? If you are an artist and have a mediator who is an engineer, it is very likely that he/she simply does not understand you and your perspective on the dispute.
Finally, there are different styles of mediation. Some mediators are evaluative. In other words, he/she will listen to her story and provide her best guess about what might happen in court. Other mediators are more facilitative and would prefer to avoid any discussion about your legal rights and what might happen in court. If you choose to go to mediation without an attorney, you may want an evaluative mediator. If you know your legal rights because you have sought the advice of a great attorney, you may prefer a more facilitative mediator.
If you have the opportunity to choose your mediator, choose wisely. Do you want a lawyer/mediator, a former judge/mediator, a psychologist/mediator, an accountant/mediator, a real estate agent/mediator, a life insurance agent/mediator, or an engineer/mediator? Do you want someone who knows the law and your rights or someone who knows more about human psychology? Perhaps you can find a mediator with a combination of these qualities!
In short, I have shown you how mediators are similar to magic wands. Some are more flexible than others. Each one has unique characteristics. Some may understand you, while others may have no idea where you come from.
As a wizard using the correct wand, it is absolutely imperative that you work with the right mediator for your dispute. If there is one critical ingredient for a successful mediation, it would be the mediator.
Fortunately, for all of us, mediators are not like magic wands in one respect. Harry Potter fans know that wandmaker Ollivander has told Harry multiple times that wands choose the wizard. Fortunately, a mediator will not usually choose you. You choose.