Legal Law

Mommy Humor – Funny Short Story – Lying

This is a funny short story about lying. Lying is a learned skill. Some people are good at it and some are not. Poker players cannot win without being good at it. Politicians cannot be elected without perfecting the art. As parents, we have to be able to detect it. The key to the liar is knowing when to try (you can get away with it) and when to show restraint. Fortunately, most of our young children are really bad now, but I predict that they will unfortunately get better as they get older. This funny tale won’t help you deal with lying, but hopefully it will cheer you up as you do.

We have two children; They are roughly the same age (girl-9 and boy-7). They’re roughly the same size too, which becomes important when fists fly, but it doesn’t really come into play to lie. As you may have already guessed (based on your own experience), the most common case is a pair of fingers pointing in the opposite direction.

I know SOMEONE did. It’s not even worth asking Mom if SHE did it because when was the last time Mom mistakenly (or lazily) dropped a half-eaten candy cane on the carpet floor? And sure, I had a couple of drinks last night, but I don’t even LIKE candy canes. No, the culprit is definitely standing right in front of me. All I have to do is find out who it is.

Here’s the fun part: While I’m planning my next move in response to the accusing fingers interlocking, the guilty party confesses! … and for the life of me I can’t figure out why! Maybe it’s because neither of us (or at least the culprit) took the time to reflect on how even Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t know where to start. It is not out of fear; I haven’t even raised my voice to any of them (I’m saving it for the right time, as if it’s the first time one of them has been drinking and driving or committing some other life-threatening sin of stupidity).

The punishment is less. Pick up the candy cane and spend a minute or so scrubbing the sticky carpet with a damp sponge … or if the offense was not saving the Wii game, you lose a day of access to the device. My best guess is that the lack of sting included in the punishment is what is helping in the perpetrator discovery phase.

Children do not do better on the other side scenario. “Who spilled food coloring all over the fireplace?” produces the two pointing fingers, but only one of them is covered in purple food coloring. It’s hard not to laugh.

Another funny story (shorter but more fun), about a year ago I went for a walk with my friend and his two children. In the interest of your privacy, I do not confirm or deny that this friend is related to me, or even that this friend exists outside of my vivid imagination. Anyway, I’m talking on my cell phone and at some point there is a commotion that catches my attention. I hear my friend say, “I’m sure I wasn’t TRYING to kick you!” The boy chimes in: “I was trying to kick her, but I missed and kicked her bike instead.”

Well, there you have it. They have a lot to learn before graduating from law school. In the meantime, let us appreciate their lack of skill in the art of deception, in the hope that it will take them as long as possible to realize it. Meanwhile, it also provides a lot of material for a funny short story.

DENY: While the events described above are representative of actual events in the author’s life, the details of the story may be blurred or embellished for the benefit of the reader’s enjoyment and for the benefit of SEO (search engine optimization; key phrase is ” funny story “… admit it, that’s what you typed in the search box).

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