omg double XL
Health Fitness

omg double XL

The horror:

Last Sunday I was getting dressed for church and my favorite ‘church skirt’ wouldn’t button up. It had recently become my favorite, transitioning out of my ‘fat skirt’ somewhere around July. My husband, God bless his heart, just shrugged and said, “We’ll get you a size up.”

I yelled “I will NOT get a bigger size!” and she legitimately slammed the bathroom door in his face by refusing to go to church.

Later that day, after luring me in with a Hershey’s Kiss, we headed to the store to buy some new clothes. There were so many beautiful skits, pants and even ‘nice butt’ jeans on the racks. I was grabbing things from left to right, deeply enmeshed in my retail therapy. I floated over to the dressing room to see how good my butt would look in those new jeans.

It didn’t take me long to realize, standing there in these skimpy jeans fighting one thigh, no way the other leg was going to get in there, that I had now gone from cute outfits to big girl pants. With a face redder than the candy apple blouse in my hand, I placed each item of cuteness on their respective shelves. Then I turned and took a deep breath, bracing myself for the embarrassing walk to the back shelves of Plus Size.

O humanity! It was as if I crossed a threshold in time and was firmly planted back in the ’80s. No, mind you, the cute tube tops and sequined bracelet from the ’80s. No, this was the blue fleece one-piece pastel that covered every inch of my body from chin to shin from the 80’s. A time when mom jeans started at the bottom rib and left plenty of room for the kangaroo pouch.

The revelation:

With work and kids, I’ll admit getting off the couch to do anything besides pee was unheard of. However, she had been making up for it by watching what she ate, or so she thought. The Middle Age Spread had reached my core, and boy did it spread! She was now a mom instead of a MILF. It was a seamless and terrifyingly comfortable transition.

There was a time when I had it going. I was hot. Was young. I was active. I was able to stay up past 9. Really, I was all of those things and more. Now, by God, I’ll be those things again! Maybe it’s not the staying up past 9 part. I mean, mommy needs to sleep. But the rest, by God!

What’s a girl to do?

Before I was on the couch every day, I was outside playing with the kids. She was walking the dog. I used to go to the beach (I admit that the main thing that kept me from going to the beach this year was laziness. Shaving your legs is hard!)

Bright and early Monday morning, I dragged myself out of bed, fixed my unruly hair, and slipped on my sandals. I got out and walked around my block for about 30 minutes before the sun finally decided to join me. After the walk I felt better, for a while. However, by the end of the day, my legs were killing me! I still forced myself to get up again on Tuesday, then Wednesday and Thursday, today, and you know what? I don’t want to die anymore!

I’m not brave (stupid) enough to look at a scale. I will take my weight loss in baby steps. This Sunday I will cross my fingers and pull that ‘favorite fat skirt’ out of the closet and hope for the best.

Do you want to walk with me?

In my previous life I was very meticulous about what I ate and how I exercised. I even found a great tool to keep me motivated. I am starting them all over again, one at a time, to get back to a healthy life. My husband loves my curves, so I don’t have to stress about being a size 2. But I’d still love to have the energy to play outside with the kids again. This is how I’m going to do it, and if you want to join me, go ahead!

• Couch to 5K

• Abdominal challenge

• My workout buddy

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