Why did you have an affair?

I often hear from women struggling to understand why their husband or boyfriend had an affair. I often hear comments like, “I really need to understand why she had an affair, but the answers aren’t obvious. I thought we were happy.”

Sometimes women have repeatedly asked their husband or boyfriend why this happened. But usually, he is either not communicative, or he himself does not understand it. I have done a lot of research on this topic due to my own situation and I also talk to men in this situation on a relatively regular basis. So, in the following article, I’ll share some of the various reasons why you may have been having an affair.

He convinced himself that the matter would improve his situation, at least for a while: Here’s something most people don’t believe or understand. Men rarely think about this. They are being reactive instead of proactive. And most of the time, a man has an affair when he is going through some personal difficulty or struggle. He often tries his best not to deal or process whatever is going on or whatever is making him unhappy.

Instead, it is often reactive as a means of making things look or feel better. And an affair is often a very ill-advised way to do this that happens on impulse. Very few men wake up thinking, “I think I’m going to have an affair today. And I need to figure out exactly where it’s going or how it’s going to end.” Instead, they find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time (or set it up this way whether they realize it or not) and react as a way to feel better or provide some relief.

They’re not really thinking about the future or where or how it will end. They are just acting in a way to bring some relief to whatever is driving your situation. In some cases, they are dealing with serious things like losing a job or a health crisis. Other times, there are problems (at least in your own mind) with your marriage. Some men react to boredom, self-esteem issues, or comments from friends or family.

Whatever the reason they react to, they often don’t have deep thoughts about it one way or the other and I know this is disappointing. Often the thoughts come after they realize what they have done and the risk they have taken.

Things went too far, too fast (although you may not have intended for this to happen 🙂 Like I said, a lot of guys don’t wake up in the morning with the intent to cheat. And sometimes the man is not the aggressor. He sometimes finds himself in a situation where he has to make a snap decision about whether to cross a line and he messes up pretty abruptly.

Affairs usually start off innocent enough. And the change in the relationship occurs so gradually that the people involved cannot or do not want to see their inadequacy. Usually, it isn’t until the infidelity happens that they realize what a dangerous game they were playing.

Sometimes a man has an affair because he is harboring unresolved anger about a situation or a person: It’s not uncommon for me to hear from wives who are shocked and shocked that their husbands actually act mad at them once they catch him cheating on them. What often happens in this situation is that the husband or man was acting out of anger in the first place.

Sometimes men harbor pent-up anger or resentment toward their wife, girlfriend, marriage, or relationship. But instead of discussing this or trying to resolve it, they let it fester and grow. Sometimes the issue is a way to even the score, so to speak. I know this sounds ridiculously unfair, especially since he never gave the woman in her life a chance to address him. But again, this is because they are reactive rather than proactive.

A man often never intends for his wife or girlfriend to find out about the affair: I hope I’ve made it clear that cheating is rarely carefully planned. Along the same lines, men rarely plan where this is going or how they want it to end. In his mind, it will be something short-term that no one will have to know about. That is why men are often a little surprised by the reaction of their wife or girlfriend and start fighting.

They will often tell you that not only did they never intend for the affair to happen, but they also never thought about what would happen next. And often the answer to why they had an affair also eludes them.