Three effective grief tools to use while on vacation

Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and special days always add an extra sense of memory after a loss. I experienced the loss of my beloved last month. Also, it is my father’s birthday and next month will be the anniversary of his death. The two heroes of my life.

As a grief coach, all of this put me in the place of “practicing what I preach.” I will share with you some tools that allowed me to reach a place of peace and fulfillment. Keep in mind that it is normal and natural to grieve a significant loss (through death, divorce, separation, relationship, job, money, etc.). Don’t hold back on this important step on your grieving journey. There is the other side, but the only way to navigate this desert of pain is through it. Also, know that no one can tell you how to cry because there is no right or wrong way to cry, and no one can really know or understand the relationship you shared with your loved one.

Here are three tools that I not only use for my grief coaching clients, but also worked effectively for me:

1. Find an activity where you can give back. I volunteered for Thanksgiving at a nursing / rehab facility and I cannot put into words the joy and satisfaction this experience brought me. Honestly, I felt like this is where I was supposed to be at the time. I watched the Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV with a 98-year-old resident who didn’t want me to leave. I visited another resident who joyfully shared her miracle of healing and learned that she is a neighbor, thus manifesting a new friend. As they both offered me endless expressions of thanks, I found myself thanking them. I left the facility feeling like I was walking on air. Not to discount my loss, but to give me so much gratitude for being where I was in that period of time.
2. Don’t feel compelled to do anything you don’t feel like doing. It’s okay to say “no.” Yes, family and friends were concerned and invited me to dinner. After pondering how to say no, I practiced what I preach and thanked them for the invitation, but would not join them. Do not regret. True family and friends will understand. Remember, they are only trying to help.
3. Write a letter. Another effective complaint activity that I recommend is writing a letter. If the loss is due to death, write a letter to your loved one. End the letter with “Goodbye” and sign it. This will help you if you are having trouble coming to terms with the loss and this is keeping you from moving forward on the journey and moving on.

I can’t stress enough that the sooner you accept that your life as it was will never be the same again, the sooner you can start moving on with your “new life.” I recommend grief coaching, support groups, or professional help if you need it. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. “The hardest part of any trip is taking the first step, but you have to keep walking.”