Why do in-laws fall in love? Hard?

How common is it to fall in love with your brother-in-law or sister-in-law? Statistics tell us that 17% of marriages involve having an intimate relationship with a father-in-law. It’s unclear how much that number changes if you add “falling in love” with a father-in-law. It depends on how you define ‘in love’. Crushes develop between in-laws much more often than most might imagine. Why did this happened? The most common reasons range from surprising to shocking.

At the shocking end of the scale is sibling rivalry which can be downright vicious. These brothers and sisters are so greedy and so resentful of a brother that they just can’t allow them to be happy. They actively pursue their brother’s spouse for the sheer pleasure of destroying his happiness. It is not surprising that these people rarely engage in this behavior because they are genuinely interested; many are narcissistic and incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

Slightly less shocking, but just as unsettling, we find sibling rivalry based on the need to feel as desirable, loved, and attractive as your brother. These people really imagine that they are attracted to in-laws because they require justification for raping their brother or sister in such a way. His infatuation lasts long enough to calm his ego; and possibly destroy the relationship. Many keep this secret well guarded for future use; they may ‘need’ another ego boost in the future, or even financial help. Some people who do this actually enjoy what they perceive as ‘power’ over the father-in-law and his brother. Their reward lies in their perception that they are indeed more desirable, better lovers, and more lovable; and that means everything to this personality.

Then there are siblings who are surprised to learn that they are attracted to or have feelings for their father-in-law. They initially ignore him and feel uncomfortable in his presence. This group actually has a conscience. Many try to escape their feelings by avoiding their brother and spouse altogether, hoping that their feelings will subside. Those who fall into this category are more likely to honor the interests of their siblings by not acting on their feelings. They still require a solution. Seeking counseling outside the family is a safe option; You can also have a good friend that you can trust and talk about.

Beyond these most common situations we find those who fall madly in love and without being able to do anything with their father-in-law. There are some contributors to this disease. They have seen a brother fall in love, they have witnessed his happiness, they have heard the best stories about the attributes of his partner, they have seen the affection with which a brother has been treated and they have found all this irresistible. And why not, they have seen and heard the best of in-laws. Siblings tend to grow up under the same influences. They are guided by the same rules and wisdom; This includes what makes a partner desirable and lovable.

Daughters who have had a good relationship with their father are more likely to be attracted to a man like him; all his daughters! They are looking for the same traits and characteristics in their idea of ​​a perfect man. The same is true of children who enjoy a loving relationship with their mother. They look for what has been attractive and enriching. Unfortunately, sisters and brothers seeking the same traits can ignore the cardinal rule of ‘no touching’ their brother’s spouse. Rarely does this progress to a divorce and marriage with the other sibling. Traveling this road is fraught with danger, pain, and loss, and is rarely worth it.

There are many cases of a brother who marries the spouse after the brother or sister has died from illness or accident. Statistics show that in the age group under 62 there is less than 50% success in these relationships. This may be because there is too much history to clean the slate, a good start for any new marriage.

If you realize that your brother is in love with your spouse and you want to maintain a good relationship with him, you are far ahead if you speak openly and honestly; without anger or judgment. If you are still uncomfortable with your intentions after this, you can decide together how you want your relationship to continue. Even if the decision is painful, it is much less so than all the emotions that arise from ignoring the situation.