Do your relationships keep you stuck? The invisible threads of important people in your life

Often the most dangerous obstacles to personal and professional growth and finding your passion are unconscious. Women tend to blame themselves, rather than looking outside to see what may be holding them back. As a woman once told me, “It’s easier to blame yourself than to dig deep.”

So if you’re interested in digging deeper to find your passion, here are some possible clues. Your relationships with important people in your life may be holding you back through what I call invisible threads. Here are six possibilities for those who may be preventing you from finding your passion or advancing your career: your parents, siblings, spouse/partner, best friend, boss, and your mother (separately from your parents).

1. Your parents: It is possible that you bring an old luggage from your mother and/or father. Did they send you the message that you weren’t going to succeed? Did you hear from them that you were “clumsy,” “lazy,” or some other label that defined how you’ve come to see yourself? Even if you are long deceased, you may still carry these messages with you.

2. Your siblings: The ghosts of your childhood relationships with your younger or older siblings can still influence how you see yourself. The images of how they saw you back then can be frozen in time, so you continue to see them and yourself through that old lens.

3. Your husband/partner: The support or lack of support from the important man in your life can have a great influence on your freedom to explore as much as you can be. If he doesn’t support you, it may feel disloyal to go ahead with plans that could blow you up, leaving him behind. Usually this is not a conscious decision. But all too often, women lose their desire for personal or professional growth if their “he” is discouraging.

4. Your best friend: Again, the issue of loyalty comes into play if your best friend isn’t ready to grow up. He can feel that he would leave her behind; You may feel bad talking about exciting aspects of your life if she’s down. And, what is more unfortunate, these feelings can be unconscious, so you may be holding yourself back, without even knowing it.

5. Your Boss: OK, even if your boss is a jerk (or you type the best word here), can you afford to fly? You may have to change jobs, but you can often avoid the boss once he figures out what’s holding you back.

Your Mother: Sometimes daughters, adult daughters unconsciously feel betrayed if they are more successful than their mother. This is especially true if your mother resents not being able to use her skills or talents in a career. Because the feeling is unconscious, a holding back daughter may not make the connection to her mother’s unfulfilled dreams for herself.