Hugs are healing
It is clear that safe and affectionate physical contact is as important to our health as food, air or water. It has been widely shown that newborns deprived of a loving touch can die, even if their other physical needs are met. Unfortunately, in our culture, physical contact, particularly in the form of hugs, is often considered unsafe. In particular, men are discouraged from hugging as a drag, as they are somehow considered “homosexual”. (Like there’s something wrong with being gay. There isn’t.) Men and boys can be ridiculed, hurt, or even killed just for being caring and loving people. For me, this is heartbreaking.
Hugs are a healthy and genuine way to express affection, friendship, and love. It should never be wrong to hug a friend of either sex, or your child, brother, sister, father or mother. I have been to dozens of Challenge Days and other workshops where healthy and safe hugs are taught. It’s amazing to me that we have to teach hugging in the first place. But since there is so much unsafe contact in our culture, someone has to model safe contact, and we do.
Challenge Day teaches that we need three hugs a day just to get by, and that with six hugs a day we are doing pretty well, and that 12 hugs a day help us to really thrive. Numerous studies confirm this. Our bodies respond immediately to loving contact. Our heart rate drops, along with our blood pressure. Our breathing slows down, our muscles relax, and our immune system recovers. Anyone who has spent a long time hugging knows exactly what I’m talking about.
You’d think he’d hug me and somehow I do. I am considered a world class hugger by many who know me. I love hugs, both giving and receiving. Just over a month ago, after our most recent Challenge Days here in Ukiah, my loving wife and life partner JoAnn suggested that we start counting how many hugs we gave each other every day and make a concerted effort to get at least 12.
What soon became apparent was that even though JoAnn retired from teaching in June, and we lived, worked, and played together 24/7, 12 hugs a day was far more than what we received. We realized that we had unwittingly often managed with no more than three hugs a day (if at all). JoAnn and I have been together for over 11 years. We love each other. We are happier together than ever in our lives. And still, these last few weeks of going for 12 hugs a day have been incredible! We deserve more! And you too.
Try this: be fully present with someone you trust (maybe taking a deep breath or three), ask for a hug, and then sink into them with another deep breath. Go ahead and try it right now. Find someone to hug. If you’re alone, take a deep breath, relax, and imagine getting a wonderful hug from someone whose hugs you truly adore, and make a mental note to receive a hug as soon as you can. I guarantee that one of the surest ways to get drunk with wonder is to get 12 hugs a day. I dare you!