Mother’s Wounds: Can a man hide his needs if he had a neglectful mother?

Having needs is part of the human experience, and this means that they are not wrong or bad. However, even if this is the case, a man may be in a position where he has the need to hide most of his needs from her.

This may be something that usually happens without him even being aware of what is happening. In doing so, he is likely to prevent her from receiving what he needs to prosper.

a negative association

So regardless of whether or not you are aware of what is going on, you are likely to believe that your needs are bad. Therefore, it will be essential that you do everything possible to hide them from others.

He will usually go out of his way to appear unnecessary and could spend a lot of time doing things for others. Consequently, other people could often describe him as selfless and have a lot of good things to say about him.

Private

The truth is that you will have needs, just like everyone else, so failure to recognize all of them and do what you can to meet them will leave you with nothing. It will be like a high performance because it is not getting the fuel it needs to run at its best.

Because of this, while he may often seem happy and calm, this is unlikely to be a reflection of what is really going on with him. Behind the mask that you can present to the world there is likely to be a very different experience.

an accumulation

If you’ve been like this for many, many years, expect to be in a lot of pain, deep down. He may feel deeply frustrated and depressed, and it may be as if he has no control over his life.

However, not only can he go to great lengths to hide his true feelings from others, but he can also go to great lengths to hide them from himself. If he were to accept how he really feels, he might end up being overwhelmed with pain.

Basic needs

Now, of course, he will satisfy some of his needs or he would not be alive and capable of experiencing this pain and miserable existence. Therefore, he will have food and drink, a place to live, clothes to wear, and at least one device that allows him to connect to the web.

You may even have a job that ‘pays the bills’, but you probably won’t do much more for it. Most of his emotional needs will then be overlooked, and these will play an important role in allowing him to do more than just survive.

For example

This will include the need to be happy, fulfilled, appreciated, supported, seen, heard, loved and valued. These are the kinds of needs that would be met by your friends, family, and an intimate partner.

Also, if you had a vacation instead of a job, assuming this is the case, this too would play a role in allowing you to meet these needs and others. Naturally, for this to happen, you will need to embrace these needs and express them.

a closer look

Since these needs are simply part of the human experience, it may seem strange why he himself would feel the need to hide them and be out of touch with them. If he could step back and see what is going on, he would give her the opportunity to connect with his needs and express them.

However, even if you were aware of what is happening, that does not mean that you will only be able to connect with your needs. At first, you might find that you can’t do this.

two obstacles

This is likely to show that he has no contact with his body, as that is where most of his needs will be found. If he were to connect with some of the needs he had distanced himself from, he might find that he feels uncomfortable when he thinks about expressing them.

You may find that expressing your needs is seen as something that would reject and abandon you. Therefore, expressing your needs will not be seen as allowing you to grow and expand; it will be seen as a threat to its own survival.

Way back

What this may illustrate is that his needs were rarely, if ever, met during his formative years. This may have been a time when his mother often left him and gave him the wrong kind of care when he didn’t.

Being self-centered, he would have come to see that his needs were the reason they left him. To try to keep his mother close to him, something that was out of his control, he would have automatically lost touch with his needs.

Other part

Furthermore, the pain he experienced from not having his needs met would have been too much for him. The only way to deal with this pain was to disconnect from his needs and, in the process, from his body.

This would have caused him to lose touch with himself, but since he couldn’t change his mother’s behavior or run away and find another mother, this was his only option. He would have had many, many moments where he was rejected and abandoned, and the pain he experienced will remain locked within his body.

still a risk

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life, but since this pain is still inside him, he will not be able to realize that it is over. What he fears will happen, if he expresses his needs, will already have happened.

In order for you to know that this stage of your life is over and you can freely express your needs, you will need to work through this pain. This is something that will take time; it won’t happen overnight.
​
Conscience

If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.