My Husband Doesn’t Want To Talk About The Affair: 3 Rules You Must Follow To Save Your Marriage
Are you feeling trapped and frustrated because your husband doesn’t want to talk about your affair? Do you find it hard to trust him when she refuses to open up? You are not alone: when I found out about my husband’s affair, part of me wanted to know all the details, another part of me was terrified to find out. If you feel the same way, I hope the following 3 rules will help save your sanity and your marriage…
Rule #1: Think it through. Do you really want to know? Whats Next?
Have you considered that one of the reasons your husband refuses to share the details with you is because he is afraid of hurting you further?
Before you press your husband to talk about it, I suggest you spend some quiet time alone, write your questions down on paper, and think for three full days. Ask yourself: Do I really want to know the honest answers to all these questions?
A useful exercise in ‘Thinking It Through’ is to ask yourself ‘Now what?’ Imagine that your husband has answered your questions… what happens next? And then what next? Is that the result you really want?
This brings me to Rule #2…
Rule #2: Don’t ask her to compare you to her affair.
Asking your husband to play the comparison game puts you in a no-win situation. If he says she was “better,” you feel hurt, jealous, and bad about yourself; If he says you are “better”, he further confuses you as to why he would choose to cheat in the first place, since “you are better”. Forcing him to compare will not serve the purpose of working to heal her marriage. do not do it
Rule #3: Avoid Negative Emotional Outbursts – It Kills Intimacy
This is a true privacy killer. When you or your husband explode and display a strong negative emotion such as outbursts of anger (yelling, screaming, etc.), you are actually murdering your relationship by repelling your partner. This is because all of us are designed to move away from pain (and towards pleasure). If your husband doesn’t want to talk about her affair, don’t imagine that he can hurt him into opening up. Cheaters have feelings too. And for their marriage to have a chance, they must work together as a team, not become enemies.
did you know It’s a common misconception that you need to work out every sordid detail of the matter before you can heal. That is simply not true. True healing is the result of the energy a couple puts into healing the relationship. This conversation may be important to you, or you may not need it.