My Unique Mediation Practice: An Amicable Divorce, Do You Think It’s Impossible? Think again
Academically, professionally, and personally, I have spent the past twenty years studying marriage and divorce. Today, I teach mediation, mediate divorces, and provide document preparation services. Almost all of my clients have chosen to go through their divorces without (unrepresented) attorneys and come to us before any paperwork has been filed with the court. It seems that my practice and my business model represent an emerging trend.
The way I see it, when a couple has children, divorce becomes a process of family restructuring: the marriage ends, but the husband and wife remain mom and dad, and eventually they become their grandmother and grandfather. babies. Compare this philosophy to traditional / lawyer-driven divorce which often exacerbates marital conflicts, entangles children in a war zone, diverts a substantial percentage of financial resources to lawyers and others, and generates contempt and hatred that they maintain. stuck to ex-spouses. in the years to come. How illogical is it for a family to spend their financial wealth on two attorneys whose goal is to argue about dividing what’s left? Most thinking human beings would never choose this path. But sometimes when people are emotionally vulnerable and feel betrayed, rejected, and scared, their senses desert them and they fall victim to the atrocities of adversarial divorce.
A traditional / attorney-driven divorce is suitable for some families. This is the way to go when one of the spouses needs legal protection. So, for example, if one spouse is unaware of the marital assets or how much the other spouse earns, you may want a lawyer to look into all of these details before agreeing to any financial arrangement. Also, if one of the spouses feels intimidated as a result of domestic violence or coercion, negotiating without a lawyer is a bad idea.
However, many of the couples that end up in a traditional / lawyer-driven divorce would not be there if they knew there was another option. My mission is to make known that there is a better way. And, as I continue to spread the word, my mediation practice has grown. Yes, I am seeing a lot of middle income people struggling financially, unable to afford two retainers, and the legal discovery process that is a big part of a traditional / attorney driven divorce. However, I also see people who have accumulated substantial wealth and do not want to divide it in three ways: yours, mine, and lawyers.
Pro-Se / Pre-Suit Divorce Mediation provides clients with a communication format and model that promotes problem solving. The unique agreement that a couple creates in mediation serves to guide their family into the future. These agreements typically cover future parenting plans and how finances (and child support) will be handled after the divorce. Mediation becomes a moment of negotiation and opening of communication channels. In mediation, a couple is encouraged to talk about what works, what does not work, and how their family should function in the future. My job, as a mediator, is to help my clients identify, articulate and / or reformulate their needs and problems. I encourage problem solving, provide information and options, and explore settlement alternatives. Typically, the mediation process takes between two and ten hours, depending on the issues and the personalities involved. Some divorces can be mediated in a single session. And sometimes the process takes place over a few months, in a series of face-to-face sessions.
When mediation is complete, I prepare the agreement and complete the state-approved forms. If a couple needs a QDRO (to divide a pension), a deed, or revisions to their estate plan, I refer them to legal resources. Many of my clients take their agreements to lawyers and / or accountants for review before signing. Ultimately, the agreement and other documents are signed and filed with the court clerk, and the case is scheduled for a final hearing as an uncontested dissolution of the marriage.