Writer as Sadist: Torture Your Characters!

I wrote my first novel 512 ninjas, in just three days. While that figure makes me sound pretty masochistic, I’m here today to talk about the flip side of masochism and why all writers must be sadistic when it comes to their characters.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from reading great books, it’s that even the most beloved characters must suffer. They have to be thrown into what John Cusack’s character in Do not say anything He describes it as a “dare to be great situation,” because then we can see what they’re really made of, and whether they’re heroes, villains, or just yellow-bellied cowards. Some of them may curl into a ball and suck their thumbs at the first sign of trouble, while others will draw their swords, don their shields, and go into the fray with all they’re worth.

Obviously, the last types of characters are the most interesting, because even if they end up getting their ass on a silver platter, the important thing is that they tried. They took action and did something to deal with the current situation. Even if they’re just metaphorically fighting demons, rather than slitting their throats with a fancifully carved katana, readers want to see characters who will deal with unpleasant situations in an attempt to overcome, rather than silently accepting their fate. After all, we want to support the little one, defeat the enemy, be there to see them emerge victorious, right?

Okay, but here’s the catch: this means we writers have to be the bad guys throwing all those terrible problems at our favorite characters. We are the spiteful gods who kick them when they are down, the ones who keep throwing them to the bottom to sink or swim, or the idiots who inflict insurmountable hardship like the ever-falling stone of Sisyphus and the perpetually devoured liver of Prometheus. .

In short: we have to be sadistic.

This is something that I find difficult. When I like my characters, I want them to win. I want things to be pleasant for them and I want their lives to be pleasant. It’s because I identify with these made-up people and I don’t want them to suffer. They are my friends, after all, and who wants their friends to suffer? Idiots, that’s who.

But guess that? Reading a nice little story about people who are nice and never have to deal with any pain is boring! For the characters to be truly adorable, you have to start hurting them and fast. The sooner you get to the parts where bones break and hearts hurt, the better, because it means that action is taking place and therefore growth is possible.

If you don’t hit your characters, they won’t learn anything about themselves. And if you don’t make them learn anything, who cares if they’ll live happily ever after? They are cardboard characters, little puppets scattered around your stage, not real human beings.

As Nietzsche said, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So in case you’re trying to make a man to inflict real damage to get your characters moving, here are some of my favorite ways to torture my characters until they spill their guts, grow some spines, or just break:

• Go for the kneecaps

• Kill someone they love

• Drive them crazy

• Delete your jobs

• Frustrate their friends

• Humiliate them professionally or personally.

• Force them out on terrible dates

• Get them on great dates, but then deny sex or love.

• Throw them crazy

• Sit ’em next to the most boring asshole at the party

• Cross your wires for some mixed messages and hilarious misunderstandings

• Frustrate their dreams

• Ruin them

• Hit them with lightning or other natural disasters.

• Go for the jugular

• Send them to the hospital

• Give them inoperable cancer or other deadly diseases.

• Put them on Mission: Impossible

• Dry your water supply

• Take away the technology or mess up your devices

• Create a useless chase

• Insert a red herring

• Disdain his love

• Poison them slowly

• Make them think they see ghosts or hear voices.

• Abandon them with demons

• Make their family members abuse them psychologically or physically.

• Tear off the roof

• Imprison them for crimes they never committed

• Get dangerous criminals chasing them.

• Sponsor a round of disapproving looks

• Encourage your loved ones to express dissatisfaction with their chosen lifestyle.

• Marrying them to spouses who don’t understand them.

• Suffocate them

• Attack their egos

• Plague them with wounds

• Saddle them with uncomfortable truths

• Force them to go on a physical or spiritual journey they never wanted to take.

• Create the apocalypse

• Free the dogs (or the zombies)

• Let your coffee makers explode

• Allowing animals to inexplicably attack you

• Insult them

• Institutionalize them

• Make them unkind, unusable, or both!

• Make them a burden to their friends and family.

• Make them be late for work

• Reject them over and over again

• And always, ALWAYS accumulate more problems in their heads the closer they get to victory.

If you are the god of your writing universe, be the god of the Old Testament who is spiteful, vengeful, and completely unpredictable. When in doubt, send a locust infestation. Or worse: snakes. (Hey, even tough guy Indiana Jones hated snakes.)

You must be the merry sadist, always twisting your characters in the wind, hanging them over a cliff, strangling them to death. Give them hell and see how they react. Don’t be afraid to take it to another level. You never know what kind of heroes you will develop until you start to fill them with problems.