About Teens With ADHD: Information for Parents
When most people think of ADD / ADHD, they usually imagine a boisterous and hyperactive child with a short attention span. This is because many of the more obvious children with ADD / ADHD act out their traits as a flurry of scattered activity, a visible distraction at school, or disruptive and inappropriate social behavior. This tends to get noticed. The actual rates of ADD / ADHD, however, are roughly the same in both genders according to experts.
The way most girls experience or express their ADD / ADHD is often overlooked and is often overlooked. They are usually diagnosed as having the “mostly inattentive” type of ADD / ADHD. They can be sensitive and silent and labeled as strangers or daydreamers. Some common challenges of the inattentive ADD / ADHD type are difficulties with getting started, being forgetful, being distracted, disorganizing thoughts and surroundings, and feeling completely overwhelmed. Even when girls are diagnosed with the hyperactive type of ADD / ADHD, their hyperactivity usually manifests as excessive speech, intense emotions, and rapid verbal reactivity, rather than the misbehaving behaviors often seen in boys.
While both genders can be bullied and rejected by their classmates, studies have shown that girls with ADD / ADHD experience more isolation and feel more rejected than boys. (Understanding Girls with ADHD by Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D., Ellen Littman, Ph.D., and Patricia Quinn, MD) This may be because relationships between girls are often highly verbal and focus on social interactions While the relationships between children are usually focused on sports, other physical activities or video games. Sophisticated communication skills are often not that crucial for teenage children.
When ADD / ADHD causes distraction, forgetfulness or impulsiveness, it is quite difficult to follow a quick conversation or respond appropriately to subtle social nuances. Girls can get critical reactions from their friends because of what they say (or don’t say) inadvertently in a social context. This can be devastating if it happens often enough and can lead to doubts and anxiety about taking social risks in the future.
Academically, even very smart girls with ADD / ADHD can end up working harder and harder than their non-ADD friends. I know quite a few high school girls who often stay up all night to write an article or study for a test. They can get very discouraged when their grades don’t reflect their efforts. It can also seem like everyone else can get their work done early enough to go to bed at a decent time, even with after-school activities. Some of the reasons that studying can take so long without the desired results are perfectionism, not knowing how to get started, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty maintaining focus, or not being able to stay linear in your focus without straying in all sorts of other directions.
Girls with ADHD need to feel accepted and competent. Even if school is challenging, parents can help by involving them in extracurricular activities where they can express and develop their talents and strengths. One of my clients had trouble at school, but he was great with horses. Every weekend she participated in a program in which she helped disabled children ride horses. Another was a wonderful artist. Although there weren’t many opportunities to take art classes in high school, she took private drawing classes after school. He even had a display of his drawings in a coffee shop. How about that to get a bigger perspective?
In addition to developing competencies outside of school, learning organizational skills and developing systems and structures for school work is important for self-esteem. These skills can be learned with a therapist who specializes in ADHD, an ADHD coach, or a special program at school. Learning these skills from someone other than the father seems critical to most of the teenage girls I have worked with. They are trying to develop more independence and it is normal for them to press against the parent who is trying to help.
With the right support, help to develop structures and systems, medical treatment if needed, and psychological help if she shows signs of anxiety or depression, your daughter can successfully transition from adolescence to young adulthood. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!