Barbados Chile

I recently went shopping at the Drive-In Grocery without being entirely sure that the course of action was correct. You see, the night before I had prepared and consumed a large quantity of my proprietary “Barbados Chile”. Tasty stuff, a little hot to the point of being painful, that comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat something the next day both your cheeks will fall off.

Here’s the thing. I had woken up that morning, and even after a couple of hot dogs and biscuits mixed with the chili from the night before nothing happened. There is no ‘Watson Move # 2’. Even as habanera peppers work their way through my intestinal tract, it seemed to be unable to create the usual morning symphony that Mom refers to as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that there was a reckoning time to come, but not sure when, I bravely headed to the store to buy some Imodium to try and avoid it. When entering the store at first everything seemed normal. I wandered the islands looking for anything that might work when that pain hit me. You know, that ‘Uh oh, I have to go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The point is, this pain was different. The Habaneras in Chile the night before were setting up a riot. In a mad dash for freedom, they made their way through the small intestine, forcing their way into the large intestine, and before he could take a step towards the front door and a mad dash to the office for relief. , the peppers soared. a warning shot.

There I was, alone in the spice and pastry aisle, suddenly engulfed in a noxious cloud like never before on record. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile smell would escape me. Slowly, oh, very slowly, the pressure seemed to leave my lower body, and I began to move down the hall and out of it, just as a Spanish lady entered it.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the poodious exscrutiatis who refused to dissipate, as she stumbled in unaware. Have you ever emotionally torn yourself in two different directions? I could have warned that poor woman, but I didn’t. I simply watched as he walked towards an invisible, and seemingly indestructible, scent wall, so terrible that all he could do before he regained his senses and ran was to stand there blinking and waving his arms around his head as if trying to protect himself from the go to. bees and curse something in Spanish. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then it made me laugh. Oohhhhh, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !! As we all know, when you laugh, it is difficult to keep things “pent up”. With each laugh, an explosive problem erupted from my darkest region.

Suddenly things stopped being funny. He was getting closer, and I ran to the front of the store yelling, “I have to use the bathroom … Get out of the way” as I advanced, laying down a cloud the entire way, praying I would make it before a huge explosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in time I got to the bathroom, and it was bad. Al heard the screams and came in to see how I was doing while I was in the midst of the true meaning of “Shock and Awe.” He made a gagging sound and said in disgust, “Sonofrujo!” He then quickly withdrew to a safer distance.

Once I was done, I was coming out of the bathroom when Al came back and asked, “What the hell was that all about?” That, of course, made me laugh again, causing the residual gases to escape. He inhaled, jumped back, pulled up his shirt to cover his nose, and motioned for me to leave the premises immediately.

Back home without shopping, I realized there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I ate two more bowls. The next day I ran out of the bank. I can’t say more about that because we still disagree on the whole thing. Sorry, the dogs say I rang the alarm. I see you in. . . “RRRIIIIPPPP” (oh nooo, not again? !!). . . Barbados !!