Communication confusion: 10 reasons why it happens

We are communicating with someone about something throughout the day. Communication is fundamental to our modern life, isn’t it? Unfortunately, much of this does not go well. Why? Because much of what we say and write is not very clear to the other party. We can cite several examples of communication problems, but most, if not all, boil down to lack of clarity. Plain and simple. This article highlights ten reasons behind the constant confusion.

1. We leave important steps out of a process.

Have you ever given directions to a stranger and not told them to turn left at a critical point? Maybe she didn’t mention the landmark because it’s part of his everyday landscape that she takes for granted. But that reference point, completely unknown to the person, is essential for him to detect as he heads towards the desired destination. It doesn’t matter how good your general instructions were if you forgot to tell him about the benchmark.

2. We talk in circles.

When you talk in circles, you usually don’t know what you’re really trying to say. You yourself are not clear. If you are not clear, how can you communicate something to another person in a way that they can understand? It is virtually impossible. Know what your main point is and say so. Offer some details to support your point. Then finish by restating your point in a slightly different way. This process makes logical sense and most people can follow it. Think of it like driving your car from one city to another via a main, direct route instead of going off your path on several winding, winding two-lane highways.

3. We do not provide the necessary information.

If your spouse asks you to describe the type of birthday cake you want most, and you don’t say you prefer whipped icing, don’t be surprised if you end up with a cake topped with buttercream. If that happens, it’s not her spouse’s fault. It’s your fault. In this case you omitted a very necessary piece of information. As a result, you did not receive the cake of your dreams. You weren’t specific enough in your description. Maybe you have a fabulous chocolate cake, but you also have a frosting that you really don’t like.

4. We imply one thing but mean another.

It is a beautiful day in early spring. Several times throughout the afternoon you mention how nice it would be to have dinner on the porch. When it’s time for dinner, he is surprised to see the picnic table set up for two. Now a breeze is blowing and the air is fresh. He has no interest in eating out, where he knows he will be uncomfortably cold. When you express concern to your partner, she gets angry. She says that she was just trying to please you. You tell him that you were just fantasizing when you talked about dining alfresco. She took her comments literally and that created the problem.

5. We speak too softly.

If you speak so softly that the other person cannot hear you properly, you risk being misunderstood. The other person may only pick up parts of what you say. As a result, she will fill in the gaps with whatever she feels is appropriate. The content you bring to the conversation may or may not be accurate. If it’s easy, friendly back-and-forth banter, this may not be a problem. But if you were telling him how to prepare a certain recipe, that’s a very different matter. If you’re someone who speaks extremely sweetly on a regular basis, ask yourself why you’re doing it and what the consequences might be.

6. We talk about a topic with a familiarity that the other person does not have.

You have been working on a project in the office for many weeks. You know the details backwards, forwards and backwards. This morning you ask a colleague to take on a particular task related to this project, but you fail to convey an important story related to the piece you are dealing with. A few hours later, you discover that he approached the task in a way that you would not have chosen if you had done it yourself. You are furious. You can’t move forward with this job until you undo what your colleague did. As a result, the project will not be completed on time.

7. We do not ask clarifying questions.

Your boss assigned you a certain task and you are 85% sure how to proceed. The other 15%? Well, you’re pretty confused with that part. But he decides to go ahead and do the homework anyway. Throughout the day you wonder if you are doing the right thing. You’re worried but he keeps working. At the end of the day you show your boss what you’ve done. When he tells you how disappointed he is, you feel terrible. If only you had asked yourself those questions that were running through your mind… before you started.

8. We use nebulous words.

One of your employees consistently produces mediocre work. You have been dissatisfied with his performance for several months. Today is your annual performance review and you have to face the situation. Once you and she are together in her office, tell her that you think she is capable of doing a better job. When she asks you directly if you’re not happy with the work she’s doing, you shift in your chair, gulp, and say “not exactly.” She simply believes that she could slow down and concentrate more to make fewer mistakes. You never look her in the eye and tell her that she needs to improve in the following specific ways by a certain date.

9. We assume that the other person knows what we mean.

The staff meeting has just ended and you are walking out of the conference room with a trusted colleague. You say something like, “It was a little chilly in there, wasn’t it?” The colleague stares at you, unsure of what you mean. He then he says, “Cold. Like Bob.” Again the blank stare. At this point you say, “Well, Bob had no idea, did he?” Now it is clear that your colleague has no idea what you mean. He is desperately trying to follow you, but he is unsuccessful. You walk away, judging it dense.

10. We do not finish the thought.

You head to the parking lot after a long, hard day at work. One of your friends from the office follows you and asks how you feel. You respond by saying that you’re fine, but you wish that… Your friend looks at you with a questioning expression, waiting for you to offer him something else. Then you say that the job would be less stressful if… but you never finish the sentence. The next day you are frustrated because your friend did not implement the idea you had in mind. The problem lies in the fact that they did not fully communicate. You knew what you were thinking but you never shared the full thought. After all, you can’t expect people to read your mind.

By Sylvia D. Hepler