Dealing with the relationship trap
At one time in our life we have all found ourselves trapped in bad relationships. Taken for granted, infidelity, financial burdens, emotional exhaustion: you get the picture. Interestingly, any such items to “save a relationship” are automatically perceived as problems between the girlfriend and the boyfriend. Try to go beyond the ordinary. Even better; take a good look around you.
In general, people who suffer from relationship problems are:
• Fathers sons
• brother sister
• Husband wife
• Other Woman-Man
• Chief-Junior
Often, we find ourselves on the receiving end for no good reason. Maybe it’s just bad karma. At least, that’s how we reasoned about it. Consider these tips before going into crying mode:
• Have you been ignoring the signs?
• Did you walk into the relationship thinking it would get better?
• Have you been adjusting too much?
• Are you too dependent?
• Are there demands from society?
If you answered ‘yes’ to most of the questions, you probably need to balance that particular segment of your life. Take a deep breath and try to follow some of the points mentioned below. It’s okay if you can’t do it all, you’re the kind of person you are. There is no point in being too hard on yourself. Here it goes:
1. Learn to ask – If you need money, say so. If you want more time, talk to him. If your needs are being ignored, tell them.
2. Don’t put yourself in a shell: Go the extra mile to talk to people, even if you don’t feel like seeing anyone. If there are people who make fun of you, keep your distance. But remember, for every 4 people who make fun of you, there may be 2 who understand you and are probably in the same situation. Getting there is the key word here.
3. Be financially prudent: The root cause is almost always money in some way. Any fight between brother and sister or between husband and wife or even any other fight between women and men will ultimately lead to the issue of money. Realize this first.
4. Have a job handy: This one is especially for women. For women, a job takes on the role of boosting self-respect, building confidence, ticket to freedom, etc. In fact, having a job is useful in the long run.
5. Develop the habit of relaxing: reading, cooking, dancing, singing, painting, drawing, scribbling, anything that expresses you.
6. Read books on spirituality – Surprisingly, spirituality helps us overcome grievances and losses. Works.
7. He/she will dump the responsibility of the relationship onto you. To be prepared. – This will eventually come as an answer to the first point of asking for what you need. Don’t expect a positive response. What you might get might be, “Are you telling me I tricked you into making dumb mistakes?” “I was careful. Why couldn’t you be careful too?” “You always knew this would happen. Why do you blame me now?” Prepare to handle this.
8. Secret bank account – Not deceptive. It’s called being smart. You will be asked about your bank account. It’s better to have some cash stacked up for rainy days. Bank balance, FD, whatever; don’t tell him or her. You’ll be glad you saved.
9. Passwords for email, Facebook, electronic banking, etc. – “Do not trust me?” When your husband asks you this question, you know you’re doomed. There’s always something you don’t want to share. Privacy is another issue here. Then what do you do? Making another email or talking to him is the choice you have. But when the relationship sours, be sure to change the password.
10. Eat healthy: Emotionally draining relationships affect your health. You will gain weight or lose too much weight; dark circles; lethargy etc they are common problems. Remember to eat something healthy every day. Your good health checklist should be based on these essentials: nuts, milk, fruit, green tea, eggs, cheese, whole wheat flour, lemon, and honey.
11. Try to see other men: married, with a girlfriend or another woman. Meet other guys. Don’t depend on one person. The same is true for guys too. See other girls. However, don’t cheat to get back at a cheater. People who share your views can help take away some of the frustration that creeps into an unhealthy relationship.
12. Develop a skill other than work. Unfortunately, at a certain age or point, jobs are not easy. In such a case, career-oriented skills development can help.
13. Do not talk about work, politics or religion in front of others. You will be humiliated: There is no rational explanation, but when a relationship turns sour, your intelligence, talent and opinion are ridiculed and often before others. Speak carefully in front of a group. Don’t be teased and don’t explode emotionally when faced with such a situation. Try to smile or respond rationally or make sure they know you’re ignoring the other person.
14. Let go – Don’t hold on too tight. Allow space.