Don’t Just Survive Narcissistic Abuse! – Thrive!
There are countless victims who have experienced some form of narcissistic abuse who visit my website every day for support and understanding. There is a pain that is so deep that one can hardly conceive of it unless they themselves have been through such horror.
The Mayo Clinic says that narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They believe they are superior to others and have little regard for the feelings of others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence hides a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Those most affected are those who have formed the closest links with the narcissistic personality. The closer one gets, the greater the risk that the narcissist will be discovered. He projects his wounded self onto those who love him most and punishes them for exposing his weaknesses. Punishment can be seen as cold, aloof, aloof, lashing out, criticizing, condemning, belittling, undermining, and more. Although this charmer can be sweet as sugar in public, behind closed doors he can be a monster.
The biggest sign that one is in a narcissistic relationship is confusion. The victim is often very confused as to what is really going on and will even take personal responsibility for the madness. Narcissism is rarely obvious, but always destructive. It is a destructive force in the universe seducing and destroying everything in its immediate path.
Those who recover from narcissistic abuse envy the seduction stage. They remember how sweet it was and long for those times when they still had faith in the relationship. Now the faith is gone, the narcissism is in all its glory and there is no escaping the revenge of this maddening disorder as the narcissist does everything in their power to make their partner or ex-partner pay for their pain.
When they have enough revenge, they run for cover and seek help to get the narcissism out of their lives once and for all.
As sick as this situation is, I encourage victims of narcissistic abuse to shed their victimhood and start seeing themselves not just as survivors but as thriving. I teach them to find the good in their situation even if the good is learning to say “no more!” When you say “NO” to abuse, it’s a big step; one to celebrate. I approach recovery from a metaphysical perspective by teaching my clients to seek the “higher purpose” for their relationship with the narcissist. In a sense, the narcissist is a catalyst for change, creating a situation that completely erodes one’s self-esteem, forcing the “former victim” to find themselves in the aftermath of the storm. She must collect all the pieces and put them back together, but in a completely new way. She can choose how she wants those pieces to come back together.
Seeing oneself as a victim prevents one from becoming truly empowered. When we can look at our situation and see that we played a role in creating it and can play a bigger role in creating a much better life, we don’t feel so powerless. We can’t take responsibility for the narcissist or his behavior, but we can certainly take responsibility for how much we allow it to destroy us. In fact, we can make the decision today that he will no longer have the power to destroy us, regardless of the circumstances. His power from him is not real! It’s illusory!
It is important that we do our own inventory to see where our strengths are and also where we are weak. Knowing who we are on a deeper level serves as ammunition to prevent further abuse. It also helps us realize that all those things our abuser said about us were not really true. It was just a projection. As we take note of our strengths, we can draw on them to help us build a life free of narcissism.
Sometimes it takes a big storm to ease our awakening. We can thank the narcissist for playing the role of this storm that triggered our deepest insecurities and exposed our greatest vulnerabilities. We now have an opportunity to strengthen a previously weak and fragile area. We have the opportunity to enforce our limits and redefine ourselves. Life can become better than it ever was as a result of our newly defined selves! We can go beyond narcissism and not just survive, but thrive!