Four Tips for Getting Help at Home
My husband quietly entered the kitchen and began transferring the food from a large bowl to a smaller one. He found lids to cover the leftovers and put them in the fridge. I looked at him and smiled, then quickly went back to doing the dishes so as not to somehow stop this miracle in progress.
He doesn’t like to wash the dishes. He doesn’t cook on the grill. This area is almost foreign to him: his knowledge of the kitchen is limited to taking out the garbage or going in to eat.
He said almost apologetically, “I don’t know if I’m doing it right.”
I thanked him with a smile and washed down the counter. We finish our work and take a second cup of coffee out on deck to freshen up and get some rest. I needed to take some time to tell her one more time how much her help meant to me. I also reminded him that I liked his company.
It seems that as the years have passed, we have become more sensitive to the needs of others and try to be helpful when possible. That is a given for most families. Today he taught me by example a lesson that I think we could all benefit from.
In offering your help, don’t just choose the things you enjoy and ignore the rest. For my husband, helping to clean the kitchen is at the very bottom of his list. Not only that, I know he had some work of his own to complete in the other room; he wasn’t in the kitchen with me because he was bored.
Here’s what I think are three keys to (eventually) getting help at home:
1. Acknowledge the help you already have. Does someone in your home take out the garbage, answer the phone for you, put your things away, or take the laundry baskets to the laundry room? Take the time to thank them for that; appreciate the little things. Let them know how much it helps.
2. When more help is offered, take it as it comes. I will never tell the one who helped me that they covered my plate with leftovers and refrigerated them! Nor will I waste my time wishing they had done things differently; My path is not always the right one. (By the way, that has been a very difficult lesson for me to learn. How about you?)
3. Don’t drag people around kicking and screaming for help. Ask for help politely when needed. If you are rejected or ignored, make the best of it. Every year my husband seems to feel more comfortable helping with cooking, laundry or cleaning. I think asking him to periodically do little things for me in those areas has helped him feel more comfortable and equipped to help more. A man (or a woman for that matter) doesn’t feel safe trying to help out in uncharted territory.
4. Don’t waste your time complaining about not having help. Be thankful for the skills and resources God has given you and try to enjoy even the most insignificant daily tasks. Be thankful that you have someone to share with and let them know that they are more important than what they will or will not do.
A verse in Colossians 3 comes to mind that seems to sum it all up:
“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not to men.”
May your lives be enriched by the people in your home and those you care for as you continue to hurt others along the way.