How to audition as Carol, a bridesmaid with a say
Finding a good monologue can be a task. Use this monologue as an audition piece, as a way to practice acting regularly, and as an instrument to add to your arsenal of tools used by actors. She plays the role of Carol. She is a character who is not afraid to explore marriage and relationships.
The setting is a wedding reception. Carol, a bridesmaid, awkwardly holds a glass of champagne.
CAROL
I’m not very given to speaking in public. But for Karen and Brian, I would do anything. So I searched for a wedding joke to share on this occasion. Here goes… What is the difference between a prostitute, a lover and a wife? The prostitute says: “Give it to me, Tiger!” The lady says, “Let’s do it again, honey.” And the wife says, “Peach. We should paint the ceiling peach.” Not much fun, huh? Marriage jokes, when you stop to think about them, are actually quite sad. I have been married for five years. I also have a two year old son. My parents are divorced. My husband’s parents are divorced. Most of my friends come from broken homes. And most of them are in their second marriages. I don’t want to be a downer on this happy day, but I want to understand. Oh, I’ve heard all the reasons people break up. “We distance ourselves”. “We got married too young, too soon, too whatever.”
Everyone always says they won’t make the same mistakes twice. That they will start their new relationship well. But if these people put the energy to start a new relationship into their marriage, divorce may not be the answer. In a society where instant gratification takes too long, people are obsessed with feeling good RIGHT NOW. And then they make stupid decisions. I will never be unfaithful to my husband. Not simply because he is the love of my life. But because I don’t want to be someone who cheats on his spouse. So when the best man approached me at the rehearsal dinner, he wasn’t flattering me. He was attacking my husband. Assault my son. I don’t get excited about this kind of behavior. I get territorial.
How could he find this predator attractive? Obviously, he’s incredibly self-absorbed to make such a move. Imagine the needs of this man when the passion fades. Oh! I don’t care how handsome he is. Or even that she was mad at my husband last night. It’s not about that. (smiling) A woman marries a man expecting him to change but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman hoping she won’t change and she does. But is that grounds for divorce? No. I’m sure this is not what you expected as a wedding toast, but I do take marriage seriously. Signing your witness license is a big deal for me. I love you guys. Do it well. (Switching back to joke mode) An older couple attends a class to improve their memory. They learn that the trick is to write things down. Late one night, the woman decides that she would like a bowl of ice cream. “I’ll get it,” the husband offers. Vanilla,” she says, “with chocolate sauce.” “Got it,” he replies. “You’d better write it down,” she warns. “No, I’ll remember,” he says. “Oh, and I want nuts.” Vanilla with chocolate sauce and walnuts,” he repeats.
“You better write it down,” she says. “No. I’ll remember.” “Oh, and a glass of water,” she adds. “Vanilla with chocolate sauce and nuts and a glass of water.” “Write it.” “No, no, I’ll remember.” A while later she returns with a beautiful omelette and a glass of orange juice. “Look, I told you to write it down,” she tells him. “You forgot the toast.” Now that’s a marriage joke. (raising her glass) To Karen and Brian. May your marriage be one of forgotten toasts.
(Takes a sip of Champaign and smiles.)