Lead the way to an exemplary life
My mother taught me many things. Like many children, much of what I learned from my mother was not apparent until much later in life. I remember her saying, “Son, you will be judged by the company you keep.” I never really understood the magnitude of that until much later in life.
I must have listened to a dozen different iterations before it really stuck. One example I do remember is “Show me the average income of your five best friends and I can guess your income.”
But receiving a lesson and learning its implications is different. When I realized that I was spending more time with myself than with anyone else, I learned the impact of the lesson.
Not only can they judge me by the company I keep, but to a large extent, I judge myself by them too.
We all want the acceptance of others, but what matters more than self-acceptance? Could it be that we seek acceptance from others rather than examining our own lives and finding inner acceptance?
What kind of life do we lead if we simply find the people we want to be like and imitate them? Go to the same restaurants, watch the same movies, believe the same beliefs, live in the same neighborhoods, and buy the same cars; How do we live extraordinary lives when everything we see and do is ordinary?
And here’s the real problem: someone from our peer group is leading it. Why not you? Why not me?
I believe there are four simple steps we can take to LEAD, not just our peers, but most importantly ourselves, toward a better life, greater satisfaction, and more joy.
1. Listen to our internal dialogue. We are deeply influenced by what we hear and we listen more to ourselves. We should take the time to really listen to what we say all day, not just about ourselves, but about others as well. Is what we say positive, productive and encouraging? Must be.
2. Get the answers you want by being an example of them. Too often we react to what has happened rather than act to make things happen. Worse still, we do not realize that our reaction creates more reactions in others and in our environment.
We’ve all seen how disrupting traffic can cause anger. One might think that getting angry is simply a reaction to someone else’s action. But this reaction is actually an action; they got mad. Anger is a choice.
If we choose to be angry, can’t we also choose to laugh? Of course we can. We must strive for what we want, in this case, consideration and good humor.
3. Adjust what we say and do to create what we want. When I was stuck in traffic, my mother used to call the person blocking her way “friend.” “Come on buddy, keep going.” For the Mother, everyone was her “friend.” I know what I say about people in my own way and it’s not that nice.
But here’s the question: who is most likely to help us; a “friend”, or someone we think of in derogatory terms? Let’s try to adjust our thinking to that of a friend and we will see friendlier people.
4. Decide to live an exemplary life. The best news of all is that we can choose. Too many of us have forgotten this simple truth. We have convinced ourselves that we have no other choice because we have a habit of not making decisions.
In a world where negativity and fear continually assail us, it’s easy to forget that we still choose everything in our lives. Whether it’s from the Bible, James Allen, Earl Nightingale, or any other group, the teaching is the same: we become what we think about.
Think of being afraid and you will be. Think of being loved and you are. We choose our experiences. Decide to think about what you want.
Teaching is different from learning. So learn this from William James, the father of American psychology: “You believe life is worth living, and your very belief will help create that fact.” It should be added that a life worth living is an exemplary life.
Listen to what it says. Get the answers you want by being an example of them. Adjust what you say and do to create what you want. Decide to live an exemplary life.
Take these four steps every day and you WILL LEAD an exemplary life.