My wife wants to leave me: should I let her go or make her stay?
Although your marriage may not be the best right now, there is still hope. When you say ‘my wife wants to leave me’, you are asking for help. How can you stop someone from doing what she wants to do?
You can’t say ‘no, you can’t go’, but you CAN say ‘I don’t want you to go because…’
It can’t block the doors and windows, but it CAN give you some space. A dead time, so to speak.
If you haven’t already, try talking to her about WHY she wants to leave. Quite often, the answers will be: I just need space, I’m not in love with you anymore, I want my freedom, I’m sick of being stuck, etc.
These are all just empty excuses. What they all have in common is this: I have no idea why I want to leave.
Maybe you no longer feel loved. When two people get married, they stop showing love to each other like before. You two may have fallen into this ‘routine’.
Perhaps you feel depressed: have you put on weight or found a gray hair or two? if she feels depressed about her appearance, she may say that she wants to leave because she thinks being somewhere else will make her feel better.
He won’t, but she will find out. She will not only be upset by her appearance, but she will miss you.
Take some time to talk to her. Tell her you love her. Tell her that she is trying to understand what she is going through and that you want to help her.
Have you tried marriage counseling? It can be done with just one person at first – you’ll learn to look for signs of trouble and you’ll learn how to fix things.
Your wife may be going through a midlife crisis. If this is the case, it may be best to give her the time and space she wants. I’m not saying let her move out and end your marriage; she will give her some quiet time to really think about what she wants to do.
As long as she’s with you, and constantly surrounded by things that remind her of you, she won’t be able to think of anything else. If she is out of that environment, she will begin to remember why you got married.
When you allow yourself to reminisce about the good times in your marriage, you will begin to miss them. She will start to show the love that she had before. A little time apart can do wonders for both of you.
One VERY important thing to remember…
Do NOT get lost while she tries to fix things. In other words, she doesn’t sit around the house trying to think about what she is doing or thinking.
You are an incredible person. Go to the gym or the park, go out to eat somewhere, call an old friend or visit relatives for a while. Take this time to reconnect with yourself, as corny as that sounds.
When you do that, not only will you feel better, but enough time has passed that your wife has decided that maybe you two should NOT be apart, and would like to try again.