Taaroof in our Iranian culture

It is extremely difficult for many of us Iranians to take No for an answer. It’s even harder for us to say No when we really mean No.

We have to say Yes to the things we don’t like. We say Yes because (sometimes) it is bad to say No in our Iranian culture. I’m sure we have many situations in our culture that have only one answer: “No.”

Still, we Iranians have a deep tradition of making Taaroof, a notion that can be defined culturally, socially, politically and even from a development point of view. If we have a guest in our house, we must offer him food, drink and entertainment. A great aspect of our offer is due to our hospitality. We Iranians like to share food. It is in our tradition and our values ​​that we have to invite people to come and eat. However, we tend to judge each other based on the amount or level of our Taaroof.

Why do we do Taaroof? The central theme as Taaroof is a multidimensional part of our Iranian way of life and Iranian culture. I guess we will never be able to analyze this phenomenon in depth. Taaroof is a complicated, contextual and learned behavior whose elements are only known to us Iranians.

Basically, Taaroof means making an offer based on not taking no for an answer. Persuasion is primarily involved in our Taaroof production.

Sometimes Taaroof makes us follow a double standard. On the one hand we don’t want something, but on the other hand we have to pretend that we like things or people. We are constantly making offers. We ask the people around us to do what we ask them to do, whether it’s eating more or staying longer after the party is over.

We have to stop this behavior. It’s not healthy, it never has been. No should mean No, in every situation. Don’t do fake Taaroof. We don’t have to do Taaroof at all. Only if we really like doing it and if we really mean it. On the other hand, we must give people the freedom to say No, once they don’t like our offers. Wow, we’re complicated.

Poran Poregbal

Vancouver, BC