The Adventures of Wolley Segap – Hot Stuff

It was one of those hot August nights. The guy Neil Diamond used to write about in the sixties. Sweltering and breezeless, he crawled into the house like heat stroke. The air conditioner had been out of order since this morning, and the afternoon sun was burning me, even as I was sitting in my boxer shorts in the kitchen. He had checked all the usual suspects; the thermostat, the fuses, the air filter and the coils. But he had an idle system that just sat there in complete silence. The internal temperature was rising at an alarming rate and I was withering from the pressure.

The trip through the pages of the local phone book proved fruitless. The variety of large advertisements with photos of service trucks proclaiming “Immediate Service”, A / C Specialists “and Heating and Cooling Professionals” left me cold, or was it hot? He was so exhausted that he could even think clearly. Sweat ran off me like a continuous shower and even the curtains were falling off.

I could swear I saw steam coming off the counter, but it was actually a soft mist or mist. And out of that steam appeared a strange character, shaped like a book, who stood on thin feet and made me jump one foot in the air. Before she could say a word, he, or was it she, smiled and said, “I’m here to help. Take a look inside,” and “opened” to reveal a large ad on the yellow page. The headline read: “We have military in your neighbor every hour.” I couldn’t believe my blurry, bloodshot eyes. I jumped past the apparition to grab the phone and quickly dialed the number. Seconds later, I was told that a man could finish in an hour. I smiled for the first time that day and the thing smiled back at me. He turned to go and said, “Remember Wolley Segap came to rescue you,” and walked out the open window. The end … or not?

This little story was designed to serve a purpose and illustrate the need for effective advertising. So, attention business people: Is your yellow page ad doing its job? If not, let this serve as your wake-up call. I have witnessed many companies that thought they had an ad that worked, while in reality it had a faulty title, lousy copy, or pathetic piece of art. How can I know?

I was a representative and consultant for YP for almost 25 years and before that I had my own advertising agency. I also have a bachelor’s degree in marketing. I have designed yellow pages ads for the past three decades. So I have experience creating YPs and have advised almost 7000 companies on how to create the most effective YP ads. If you have a display or column ad, regardless of size, color, or position, I can tell you that it most likely needs improvements to the title, illustration, body text, placement, book, or headline . You need to understand ROI or return on investment and learn to track results as well.

Therefore, consider getting expert advice before running your next ad. There are many good and inexpensive places to go, some available on the Internet. Make sure the consultant is well qualified with at least 25 years of experience. Otherwise, you will waste your own time and money. So hopefully you won’t need Wolley Segap to come to the rescue after all.