The changing face of change
Many people who know my daughter have asked me how she is handling life as a military wife. My daughter has been a planner for a long time, and she hasn’t always responded well to an idea that required me to change her plans suddenly.
Three years ago she married a young man six days before her Air Force career began. And since then, her life has been filled with many changes. Some waited. And some don’t.
Last fall was our son-in-law’s first deployment abroad, at which time our daughter came home to stay with us. It was hard not having him home for the holidays, but we waited until she came back at the end of January to celebrate Christmas. And it was worth the wait!
I admitted at first that it was difficult to consider changing our traditional time of celebrating the season, but we wanted to save most of our festivities for our son-in-law’s return.
I think for many people, change is sometimes feared, even something to be resisted. Some may see the change as an indication that they have no control over their lives, so they go to great lengths to avoid the change and feel like its victim when faced with it.
However, anyone who reads much of Mary Baker Eddy’s writing is likely to gain a view of change as normal and sometimes necessary. She frequently uses phrases like “change course”. . . “a requested change”. . . “change of heart” . . “changes the human concept of life . . .” And following the change comes the promise of growth, healing, and progress. She makes change sound desirable and positive, and not a bad thing after all.
I recently asked my daughter how she has adjusted to military life, with its sometimes unexpected changes.
She said: “That was the most difficult element for me, not being able to plan for the next few years of our lives. I think the uncertainty we face has made me a more fluid person. I am better able to deal with change and they have become more spontaneous.”
As her mom, it has been fun to witness this change in my daughter. She no longer sees change as an onerous challenge that she must face at times. I see in her a young woman who has embraced change as naturally as life itself. And she has thus become a balanced officer’s wife as she pursues her own professional goals.
Not long after our son-in-law returned to the United States, we learned that he could deploy again much sooner than initially planned. I asked them how they felt about this possible change in their schedule.
They said: “Deployments are tough and there is never a good time for your loved one to leave. We take it day by day and just enjoy every moment we have together. In many ways we are a stronger couple because you don’t waste time planning things for the future. If we want to do something, no day is better than the present.”
They said Eddy’s insights on how to enhance the moments and make the most of the present have been powerful and healing insights as they live their ever-changing lives together.
I decided that I needed to start examining my own heart for ways in which I might have become resistant to change. And the results have been quite amazing.
I have discovered views that were stagnant and stubborn. I discovered some traditions and routines that were unreasonably rigid avoiding any inclination to change. I could see that I had stuck to some old habits that were not conducive to growth. I wanted this to change, so I’m working on being more spontaneous.
Turning to prayer for guidance and fresh inspiration is helping me to be more open to the idea of infinite possibilities. I am increasingly willing to explore and consider new ideas and opportunities. I am calmer in situations that arise unexpectedly. And I’m happy
Since change too often leads to progress, I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps all it takes is simply a change in how I view change.