the forbidden closet

When I was a child, I had always seen my mother perform all her duties sincerely and try her best for the betterment of our family. So mentioning our family made up of only three members; me, my mother and my father. Although it is obvious that we belong to a nuclear family, in the beginning the story was a little different.

At first, we used to live in a joint family. It was a wonderful feeling living with the caring elders and loving members. We enjoy our lives to the fullest; until one day, when bad news spread to our family. I received a shock when I heard the following words echoing in my father’s mouth; “I have lost my job.” I was hit even harder a few days later when I heard that since we couldn’t contribute a single pie in the family, we had to move out of the house. We soon moved to a much smaller apartment. Since it was very difficult for us to pay the rent for the house, my mother started working in an entertainment institute.

Since then, my father became a silent man. He found loneliness in the isolation from him and was always preoccupied with thoughts that went everywhere. Although he never informed us, we knew that he was trying to find a job, but unfortunately his luck was not in his favor. Then one day when I came home from school, I couldn’t find my father anywhere in or near our apartment. It was as if he had vanished out of nowhere. I searched frantically for him, fear gripping me. So I decided to call my mother. When she got home she looked pale and terrified, but she stayed strong. She didn’t even try to look for him. It was me who ran madly through the streets looking for him. Since then my mother has become expressionless and she has become more obedient and she has become a workaholic woman… these are some of the memories and feelings of my mother that I found in the forbidden closet. I burst into tears when I finished reading my mother’s diary. I carefully put the diary away and searched for something; it was soft and smelled sweet. When I took it out of the cupboard I broke into a wry smile, because it was a pink bear that my father had probably given to my mother.

In fact, I could figure it out from the note that was taped to the teddy bear’s ears. Although the teddy bear was intact, its girlish pink had faded, like my father’s very existence. The stuffed animal was already wet with my tears. I put the stuffed animal away and my hands came into contact with a book. It was a photo album containing photos of my mother and father. “They looked so happy together and so in love”; I told myself as he flipped through his photos. It was interesting to see how my mother had gone to the trouble of providing captions and comments to each and every photo in the album. There were photos of them from childhood until they got married. They both seemed to have had the happiest moments of their lives together. After looking at the photos I was even more perplexed as I couldn’t understand what was the reason that led my father to abandon us. But my confusion was eradicated the moment I received my father’s letter. In his last letter to my mother, my father had mentioned his inefficiency and my mother’s efficiency as the real reason for abandoning us. He even questioned my mother’s character. After reading the letter I was able to deduce that my mother knew the whole thing from the beginning, even before I called her. There had been problems between them, every night behind closed doors. In her last words to my mother, he even apologized to my mother for hitting her… All this was hidden from me considering my age. Again I let my hands wander over the shelves of the forbidden closet. This time I saw a bouquet of preserved roses with the dates written on them, from when they were delivered… and tears ran down my eyes. Composing myself, I searched the cupboard again until I felt something soft and silky. I took it out. It was a crimson black satin nightgown. I understood that she had tried to preserve the most beautiful moments of her life. But there was one thing she couldn’t preserve—-and that was my father’s scent and scent. I closed the cupboard when I finished seeing all its components.

I understood why the closet was forbidden to me all this time… because my mother wanted me to see it all at once. With a heavy heart I went back to my room where I saw my mother. She was sitting there cross-legged and playing the violin….the saddest notes came from the contact of the bows and strings. Her eyes were still expressionless. She maybe she is still waiting for him to come or… she already has a clue that he is no more.