The sympathy label: when a colleague or client suffers a loss
When a colleague, co-worker or business partner loses a family member, are they caught up in the sympathy label? Are you wondering how you should handle this kind of situation? Are you worried about using the wrong words or prying into the other person’s wrong?
As a result, how often have you ended up doing or saying nothing and then regretting it?
When someone you work with suffers a loss, the kindest thing you can do is acknowledge the event and show that you care. It is just as important to show your sadness in a business relationship as it is in a personal one. Don’t withhold your support because you feel uncomfortable. It’s not about you.
When you see the family, don’t be afraid to mention the name of the deceased. Despite what you may think, this doesn’t make people feel worse. You are honoring the loss of him.
Acknowledge all family members. Introduce yourself and spend time with them, not just people you know. No one should have to guess who you are and what your connection to their loss is. Be prepared to introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the deceased.
Share your best memories of the deceased with the family. This is a time when people need to hear stories about the person they just lost. Laughter and lighthearted stories are healing and are in no way disrespectful to anyone.
It is not unusual to attend a funeral or wake when you did not know the person who died. You go for your colleague or friend, the survivor, who is suffering.
Be prepared to listen. The bereaved relative may want to share her feelings. No lengthy verbal response is required from him. All it takes is an available ear and an understanding nod. It’s okay to say, “How are you feeling?” When you do, be sure to listen to the answer.
Attend the service if you can, no matter what is on your schedule. It is comforting for the family to see the people who care about their loss.
Write a note of condolence in addition to attending the service. People will keep those handwritten expressions of sympathy and treasure them for many years to come.
Whatever you do, don’t email your condolences unless you’re in Outer Mongolia and that’s your only option. Email lacks the personal touch this painful moment deserves.
Offer to help in any way you can to set the family free to grieve. More mundane tasks like walking the dog or mowing the lawn can go a long way.
Once the funeral is over, keep in touch. Communicating as time passes may be more meaningful than your initial response at the time of death.
Forget what people say about a year of grieving: grief lasts for more than a year. Mark the date of death on your calendar. Call, visit or send a note on the anniversary of the loss.
Part of building business relationships can be sharing the saddest moments. If you know what is expected, you will be more confident and more likely to do what works best for others.