What to do if you have retroactive jealousy

What is retroactive jealousy?

Retroactive jealousy – ‘Retro’ which means backwards in Latin, ‘active’ which means present tense – is the imaginative spell or reconstruction of sexual infidelity that involves our partner as the focal point. For example, imagine a sexual activity of our partner with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, a one-night stand from his past or a real event in which the couple has been unfaithful. These thoughts become compulsively obsessed with causing the person thinking about them to suffer varying degrees of psychological trauma. During my research, I discovered that it was common for people who suffer from Retroactive Jealousy to also suffer from spontaneous ‘imagination scenario’ jealousy, a graphic imaginative scenario that portrays our darkest fears in relation to emotional and sexual attachment. Intrusive thoughts are normal for a human being as they belong to the rationalization process, however, people with retroactive jealousy get obsessed with these thoughts and confuse the body into thinking that the scenario / situation is real. This is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that can be difficult to tackle alone.

Many people who suffer from retroactive jealousy live feeling isolated with their hurtful thoughts, which often drives the body into a depressed state. It is a shameful psychological nightmare that destroys dignity and takes place in the minds of the most unfortunate people. Retroactive jealousy can appear at any time, either triggered by a “reminder” or triggered by a short moment of inactivity. It can turn a person’s day from happy, positive, and bright to helpless, depressed, and tired. It can lead to resenting a partner, looking at them from a different perspective, and perhaps most profoundly corroding personal self-esteem.

Why are people retroactively jealous?

There is no simple answer for this because obsessive and compulsive thoughts can stem from a variety of biological and environmental factors. If you browse the web, you will see several articles with different arguments, definitions, and descriptions of why people are overwhelmed by retroactive jealousy. To quickly summarize, these include:

• Low self-esteem: the way we think about ourselves leads us to punish ourselves with graphic and distressing thoughts.
• Views of the opposite sex: Outdated and irrational views of the inferiority of the opposite sex.
• Biological inheritance. A pre-instinctive thought that has been genetically encoded within our DNA.
• Trust issues: the ability to trust another person.
• General views of sex
• Sexual inferiority: not feeling well enough intimately or feeling ashamed because you have had fewer sexual partners.

The dos and don’ts of retroactive jealousy

MAKE:

· Keep in mind that you are not alone with this problem. It CAN be approached but not alone!

· Realize that Retroactive Jealousy is IRRATIONAL.

Think before you tell your partner in the best possible way about your problem. It is a sensitive subject and can be offensive if not done correctly.

Seek medical advice and discuss the problem with your GP. There are many options available to you. These options include cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, antidepressants, hypnotherapy, and counseling.

· Maintain a balanced and maintained lifestyle. Eat healthy foods, exercise, and maintain a good social lifestyle.

· Stay busy doing things you enjoy and setting achievable personal goals.

Choose to accept your partner as a human being who is on a journey similar to yours.

WHOSE:

· Try to figure it out yourself. This can backfire as your body feeds on obsession.

Fool yourself into thinking that it is your partner’s fault. The problem is within you and running away from the problem will accomplish nothing. (in some cases where the partner has cheated, this needs to be approached in a different way)

· Resenting your partner for their past actions. This makes things worse and is irrational.

· Substance abuse to address your problem. This is simply hiding it. Depressants such as alcohol, illegal stimulants, and hallucinogenic drugs may offer short-term relief, but they actually create a snowball effect that worsens the problem.

Think negatively of yourself for having this problem.

Immerse yourself in a poor diet and routine. If intrusive thoughts cause anxiety, stay away from high amounts of caffeine and natural stimulants.

Be afraid to speak.