Who is your Simon Cowell? The importance of honesty in your job search and career
“You are the worst artist I have ever seen in my life”! “You may have a good voice, but you’re nowhere near ready for the big time.” “I’d love to see you again after you’ve refined your craft.”
For those of you who consider yourself to be American Idol fans, these words have been a common soundbite for quite some time. We have all heard the jokes on various blogs, tweets and media websites, surrounding the harsh comments made by Simon Cowell over the past 9 years. But before you judge his riotous comments and his sarcastic quips, ask yourself something: Is anyone in your “inner circle” that you can trust to provide uncensored, honest and constructive feedback that you could then use to improve? I would say the answer for many of us is no, not because people are unwilling to be honest, but because we are reluctant to accept their feedback and apply it to our careers and/or job search.
Not a week goes by without a candidate complaining about the difficulty of getting real feedback after an interview. Similarly, we’ve all been to management meetings or attended an annual review, only to be told how good we are and that we need to “keep doing what we’re doing.” Alternatively, some meetings quickly turn into a blame game: “If you hadn’t been slow to give me those numbers, I might have made my deadline. You’re always late!” (When in reality, if our boss had given us more than 90 minutes’ notice, we probably would have been able to stick to his schedule with no problem.) In both cases, there is a complete lack of constructive, honest and relevant feedback.
As a recruiter—and I know this is true for many HR professionals as well—it’s sometimes hard to discern which candidates will be receptive to feedback and which are just gathering ammunition to start a lawsuit. This causes many of us to take a more defensive stance. However, it has always been my policy to share appropriate and constructive feedback after an interview, as well as any information I may have gleaned from my conversation with the candidate. In my experience, about 60% of candidates appreciate and accept this feedback; they ask follow up questions and seem to really take it seriously. I can usually tell by their tone or facial expressions whether or not they plan to use this feedback to improve their future performance; unlike the candidates I know who are waiting to get off the phone so they can “un” me from Facebook or remove me from their LinkedIn network.
The harsh but beneficial reality of Simon Cowell’s comments on American Idol is the immediacy factor! Feedback is most powerful when it occurs immediately after the act he describes. I remember one of my first mentors telling me how important it is to catch employees doing something positive by immediately acknowledging them for their behavior. Similarly, when someone makes a mistake or needs some guidance, it’s 10 times more productive to call them aside and acknowledge the mistake in private, giving them an alternate response to use the next time the situation occurs. When done well and objectively, this approach will help good employees become great employees, and great employees can become superstars!
However, the key to receiving honest feedback is demonstrating one’s willingness to really hear what is said Now I’m not naive enough to think that every negative comment and positive key is 100% empty of hidden agendas. You certainly need to keep your guard up in some situations with certain people. But how often do we say we want honest feedback, only to get defensive as soon as someone is willing to give it? As a longtime member of Vistage International, a San Diego-based global leadership development organization, I have always been impressed by the honesty expressed at our monthly half-day meetings. One of the keys to this show of genuine concern was the adherence to a simple rule:
“When you get feedback from a peer, reply thanks, nothing more.”
At times we were able to ask follow-up questions to get more clarity or additional feedback information. But under no circumstances were we allowed to defend, explain or justify our actions to the other members of the group.
Don’t get me wrong, I think my lower lip took about 6 months to heal due to the number of times I was forced to bite down on it in response to someone’s comments. However, over time, I began to use this tactic in other facets of my life and it allowed me to not only hear more of what was being said, but invited more feedback from a wider variety of people: employees, peers, family, colleagues, mentors, etc. I still have a long way to go to perfect this behavior, but every time I allow myself to react with a “thank you”, I am pleasantly surprised by the result.
As we continue to make our way through this slow economic and jobs recovery, think how much more we could learn about ourselves if we simply listen, rather than advocate; if we take the time to reflect on the advice or advice of others instead of justifying why we chose option A or B; and consider the possibility that someone with another point of view, or heaven forbid from another political party, sees us more objectively than we see ourselves. We may be more productive in our work, interviews, work, family, and relationships if we simply invite others to offer honest feedback.
Thank you Simon Cowell, you are a great role model when it comes to honesty and directness!