10 ways to sabotage effective family reunions
Meetings often reflect the culture of the organization or group that runs them. If you are in a laid back family, I bet the get-togethers will be laid back and relaxed too. If you are a very organized and routine-driven family, your gatherings will tend to be that way too. So while we try to follow a general meeting structure, your application should vary to suit your family’s style.
BUT be careful when making changes to the meeting process. The Family Roundtable process that I have outlined is a tried and true formula for conducting effective family meetings. It’s good to tailor things to suit your family, but don’t waste too much time with a winning formula. It’s certainly easier to adapt and change once you’ve grasped the basics.
Are here 10 ways to sabotage your family reunions Either making changes on purpose or forgetting to stick to some of the basics:
1. Organize meetings on an irregular basis. The key to successful meetings is to be regular– weekly or biweekly. Experiment with a time that works best for you and be prepared to postpone meetings instead of canceling them when things come up.
2. See meetings as a way for parents to assert their influence over their children. If you see meetings as a way to manipulate children from your point of view, they are likely to fail. Children see through them. They work best when you see them as a kiddie vehicle. have something to say in how his family handles himself.
3. Have no set rules. Some simple rules that revolve around listen and fair treatment of others is essential to your success.
Four. I have no agenda. Don’t let the meetings drift away. Have an agenda attached to the refrigerator or on a bulletin board during the week so everyone can see what will be discussed.
5. Let one person master the procedures. Nothing kills meeting participation more than when one person grabs the spotlight. An effective president will tactfully ensure that everyone has something to say and nobody dominates the conversation.
6. Forget about setting the scene. Some get-togethers fail because no one sets the stage with a family activity to catch up. These activities not only have teaching functions, but help to establish a friendly environment.
7. Don’t stick to decisions made between meetings. This is a big mistake. Stick to decisions done in one meeting and review in the next meeting. It’s okay to ask for a kind of break in the decision between meetings if it’s an absolute disaster and everyone agrees.
8. Belittle the meeting process. Parents and children often say things they later regret. Avoid belittling the meeting process if things go wrong. “These stupid meetings! What do you expect when you give children a voice …!” These are the kinds of comments that undermine the effectiveness of meetings. Your children need to see you are serious about meetings.
9. Don’t have a plan to handle the recalcitrant. Yes, kids will be wrong sometimes, so you need to know how to handle them. Giggling children can be asked to settle in or leave. Children who misbehave can be asked to leave. Children who are too young to participate must be kept busy in some way. Have a plan in place before your meeting.
10. Allow meetings to turn into grievance sessions. Don’t let them turn into one long complaint session. Limit the number from complaints to one or two in each session instead of an endless list of grizzles and complaints. I hope this list helps shed some light on your family reunions, especially if you are struggling to make them successful. The keys to effective meetings are:
- Be consistent and persistent
- Keep ’em moving and keep’ em light
- Stick to the process and stick to the decisions made