Conflict resolution: 7 keys to start a conversation about something that is really bothering you
Do you have a situation at work where you need to confront someone about something unacceptable they are doing?
This type of situation requires a private confrontation, a “fierce conversation” with the person who has the problems. This is a concept that I learned from the book. Fierce conversations by Susan Scott. To start this conversation, you need to craft a 60-second opening statement. That’s right … just 60 seconds … so practice it. The following is what will be included in your opening statement with examples:
- Name the problem: “Joe, I want to talk to you about the effect your behavior is having on me in meetings.”
- Select a specific example that illustrates the behavior or situation you want to change.: “An example is the staff meeting last Friday when you stood up, pointed at me and yelled at me saying you had to do things your way.”
- Describe your emotions on this topic.: “I feel like I don’t have your respect when you act this way. It makes me not want to work with you, and I want to have a good working relationship with you.”
- Clarify what is at stake“What’s at stake is that this prevents us from working together to achieve common goals, plus it makes both of us unhappy and makes everyone else in the room uncomfortable.”
- Identify your contribution to this problem: “It was my fault because I let you continue doing this without speaking.”
- Please indicate your desire to resolve the problem.: “This is what I want to solve with you, Joe: the effect that losing my temper is having on me and the rest of the team.” (Note: it is important to use the word “resolve” in your conversation)
- Invite your partner to reply: “I want to understand what is happening from your perspective. How can we have a better working relationship?”
Then close your mouth and listen. You may be surprised what happens.
Try this with someone you have a conflict with and let me know how it turned out.