Forgiveness seems to be the hardest word
Well, Elton John certainly got it right. “I’m sorry” seems to be the hardest word for many people. In fact, it seems more difficult in some parts of the world than others. It’s something that has bothered me for a long time. So much so, especially recently, that I have to put my pen to the paper, or my fingers on the keyboard, and write this spiel (aka blog post).
Since I’ve lived here, I’ve always struggled with the way so many people have a hard time saying “I’m sorry.” Here are some examples that I recently came across:
1. In a cafe
Me: Can I get a new glass, please? This one is dirty.
Waitress: I’ll get you a new one.
(or worse, nothing at all, but you just changed the glass)
2. In a restaurant
I’d like the salmon please.
Waiter: There are no more salmon today.
3. In a shoe store
Me: Do you have these shoes in size 41?
Assistant: Size 39 is the largest.
Why can’t they say “I’m sorry …”?
This is the question that I have asked myself so many times. They constantly tell me that it is because the person believes that saying “I’m sorry” indicates that they have personally done something wrong.
Can we do this right?
Saying “sorry” when my glass is dirty is the right thing to do. What you’re saying is, “I’m sorry it happened.” Or “I’m sorry you have a dirty glass.” You’re not saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t wash the glass properly and it’s my fault.”
Saying “I’m sorry” when there is no more salmon, it would mean that you are showing regret or sadness about something. You are not saying that you are responsible for no salmon.
Here are two more examples:
1. Talk to a friend
Friend: You’re limping. What happen?
Me: I tripped and fell. My knee hurts a lot.
Friend: Aiyah! Why are you so careless?
2. To a colleague
Me: I was so sick on the weekend with a bad migraine.
Colleague: Good job, it was the weekend and you were able to rest.
Why oh why can’t these people just say “I’m sorry”?
Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean you were responsible for my downfall. It would mean that you felt compassion for me.
Saying “I’m sorry” does not mean that you are the cause of my migraine. It would mean that you care about me.
And this one takes the cake …
This is what happened when I wrote to a customer who was behind in paying our bill, and not for the first time. Here are excerpts from his answer:
Unfortunately, there are processes involved that are beyond my control.
I will speed up when possible during these changes.
Your understanding will be highly appreciated.
Do you see the problem here? “Unfortunately” seems to mean “Too bad”. If she had said “I’m sorry about this”, it would mean “I care”.
If the writer had just said once in this entire series of emails, “I’m so sorry about this,” she would really have shown me that she understands what I’m going through and has concern and compassion for my situation. I would also have assured me that she cared. As a result, I would have felt better, despite the delays.
So please …
Sorry doesn’t have to be the hardest word!
Parents: Please teach your children about the importance of the word “sorry” and its many meanings. Also teach them about the implications of saying the word and not saying the word.
Employers – Make sure your employees are trained in the importance of the word “sorry” and how it should be used in customer service. And, of course, the implications of saying it and not saying it.
Let’s not continue to let “I’m sorry” be the hardest word to say. Let’s work together and make “sorry” a much easier word to say! Let’s do it the right word to say!
What do you say? I would love your comments and thoughts on the use of “sorry” in your part of the world. As well as any examples of when you have heard, or not heard, the word “sorry” recently.