My Husband Is Confused About What He Wants After He Cheated On Him: Tips That Might Help

I often hear from wives who are so frustrated by their husband’s “confusion” after they catch him cheating or having an affair. Wives often expect or hope that he will apologize profusely and immediately start trying to make amends. But this is not always what happens. Sometimes the husband does not act because he is not sure what he wants in terms of his feelings or her desires.

I heard from one wife who said, “My husband admitted to me that he has been cheating and having an affair with my daughter’s gym coach. Since I really had no suspicions and he had no reason to tell me, I was hoping this meant he would immediately break up with me.” and would do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Instead, he tells me he doesn’t know if he’s going to end his relationship with her. When I ask him if this means our marriage is over, he says he doesn’t. He insists he’s “so confused” because he has feelings for both of us. He states that while he ultimately wants to save our marriage, he’s not sure he’s ready to let her go because he has genuine feelings for her too. That’s just wonderful for him, but where does he leave me? do i have to sit and wait for him to decide who or what he wants? am i supposed to wait patiently for his confusion to fade away? and why does one have to be confused? he made the vows m property to me, not to her. I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

A man’s confusion is usually at its highest right after the affair, but will eventually subside once he’s gone for good. The longer the relationship lasts, the more confusion there is: I don’t know how often men try to play the confusion card. And very often, they are not completely lying to you. They feel confused. Because the truth is that if they wanted to end their marriage or want you out of their life, they would have divorced you while they were cheating on you or before they started cheating on you. They secretly cheat because they want both relationships. They usually have no intention of ending their marriage, especially at first. But usually the other woman starts to push for their relationship to be more official and lasting. And the intensity of deception can be confused with intense and real feelings. Many men are genuinely confused because they have two women that they feel responsible for and have feelings for.

But here’s something they don’t normally understand. The longer they keep seeing or contacting this other woman, the longer they will be confused. As soon as they actually break up and focus their attention on his wife and her marriage, any feelings they think they may have had usually become clear for what they really are: part of an unreal fantasy. He has to convince himself that he has very strong and real feelings for her. Because if he didn’t, how stupid would he be to risk his marriage for someone he didn’t really know or had feelings for? You may not think your feelings will change. But they will. If he doesn’t see her and give the relationship some push to move forward, he will die a natural death.

How to handle it when your husband is confused after cheating or having an affair: Many wives are tempted to offer ultimatums and tell the husband that he must decide between her and the other woman right away. This is a very tempting ultimatum. But the risk with this is that he will choose her or he will choose you and he will resent it. Or he will get depressed thinking that she misses her. Some women will get fed up and tell the husband that the other woman may have him. Some of these women later regret having acted so hastily.

For me, the best compromise is to tell your husband that you’re willing to work with him after he makes a decision about who or what he wants, but until then you can’t participate in a marriage that includes three people. When he withdraws from your marriage, this will often give you an incentive to make the right decision. He may go back and forth a little at first, but once he decides, you’ll both know that he made his own decision without any pressure from him.

You should also know that many men will lose their feelings for the other woman as time goes by. Because they now know you about the affair, that exciting level of secrecy due to a forbidden relationship is gone. So a very important component of their relationship has been removed. This is sometimes the beginning of the end and helps the true nature of the relationship become clearer: that you risked everything for someone who was essentially little more than a stranger. Once this happens, your confusion will likely begin to fade.