There is life after divorce
A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The first is an honorable status, the second is not.
When a woman loses her husband to death, all the neighbors get together and provide meals and whatever help they can give with regard to home repairs or cleaning or whatever is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available to the widow and include her in her activities, pitying her for being so lonely now.
However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She transforms, seemingly instantly, from a married woman to a divorcee. To become one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, viewed as suspect by all those still safe in the womb of their marriage.
People tend to walk away from her. Invitations to meet cease. It seems that the women think that her husbands may be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and fears of her. There are no prepared meals or offers of help. Husbands stay home just in case, because such is the image that is presented of a divorcee. Husbands might not be safe. She could cause the destruction of other marriages.
We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, milkman, or Maytag repairman to her house with the intention of seducing him. (A joke made up, I’m sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps he even seduces them one after the other, because that’s the “gay divorcee” life, isn’t it? ? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unsatisfied needs and desires, the divorced seek to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so instead of the invitations to parties or neighborhood barbecues that were previously made to the couple and their family, an empty mailbox remains, and the telephone is silent. He checks it from time to time to make sure it’s still working.
The divorcee begins to feel that she no longer exists; as if, by ceasing to be half of a relationship, she ceased to be part of the neighborhood. Women who used to call her her friend no longer call her. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbors’ children. Perhaps women feel like they are infected with the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that you can catch, or perhaps they just don’t know how to talk to a recently divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often considered more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and since he generally does not have children, his disposable income is often enough to support him comfortably.
However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the children have to be fed and they have to be dressed. Family tasks that used to be done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can contribute and help with household chores, such as preparing dishes and meals and cleaning the house. Due to reduced income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then works two jobs; one inside and one outside the house.
Sometimes the inner life does not change much. For those who had husbands who just went to work and came home at night expecting to be cared for, their workload is reduced by just one person, so this can be a blessing. But having a backup available when she’s really tired and the kids are really nasty is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.
Because she has been ostracized by her neighbors, she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share day-to-day struggles and accomplishments. They get together with their children and pool their resources for family dinners. They support themselves in the search for work, in handling problems, in fights with her ex. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.
Sometimes, due to the large reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as social assistance or Maternal Subsidy. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things that they consider necessities but that the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill higher than the assigned one. Widows, by contrast, often receive a pension from their husband’s estate that they can spend however they want, with no rules. Divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are in the country. If they have a house, they may have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, to survive, they can use credit cards to buy the things they think they need for their children for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their children on school trips or buy the clothes the children need, and therefore their children may be ridiculed for the way they dress. When children come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if things couldn’t have worked out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.
As the divorcee ventures into the world of working full-time instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her children, organize everyone’s schedule, and adjust to her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and she cries silently when she can’t make it to graduation day because of work or when she can’t see her children receive sports. she prizes, but she knows that she is doing the best that she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes that it will be enough.
As the divorcee adjusts to life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants, and with whom she wants. She only has to think of herself and her children, if she has them. Eventually, the anxieties will ease a bit and the divorcee will grow closer to others, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.
Your circumstances may not have changed much. He still struggles to pay the bills and support his children, but discovers that his life is full. Not the rumored life of the gay divorcee, filled with men or parties and a wild life, but one of love for her children, and perhaps studying for a degree while working on a fulfilling career that she helps to others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top.
Yes, life goes on after divorce, the pain and anguish suffered at the beginning eventually fades a bit and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on with whatever the future holds.